last four days

I really don't wanna leave just yet... I actually really, really love this place. It's home now... It all feels... I feel - so sad...

The 6am view from up high;

The beautiful city lights

For a moment there, just standing on top of the hill, I felt that anything could happen. 

high school ∞

"It's been a long day, without you my friend...

Last I checked, it was the third to last day of my IGCSEs that I wrote here and eleven days later - I'm back! 

The past month was exhausting, simply mentally draining - waking up early every morning to yet another day of revision, up to the point where the line between what you did not know and what you already knew was blurred, thus the only option available was to simply drill everything into your head and pray. Having dropped a subject already, I saw myself as incapable and an easy victim to difficulties, hence I later knew better than to complain, at least not aloud, regardless of being told otherwise - that Physics was just not my cup of tea or It really is okay to drop a subject. I wish that they're right. Anyhow, it's all over and I can actually heave a sigh of relief and tell you this: I am, kind of, officially done with high school! I've given my all, and I hope my hard work would pay off... Guess I'll have to find out on the 11th of August myself. With that, 

IGCSEs

Have you ever had a conversation with your friends that you find yourselves repeating time after time again and it still doesn't get old? Well, I do. And after four years, four years of talking in as much excitement as a 13-year-old could possibly have in her, the day finally knocked upon her door...and vanished before she could register its presence. To me, it was always imperative that I had a date for such occasions, but if that special someone doesn't make his grand entrée into your life, it wouldn't be special anymore - simply meaningless. I thought wrong. Because the night turned out to be a memorable one for me after all, having my best friend as my "date", as we are all very lonely people.  *hand-covering-face monkey emoji* 

Three hours went pass in a twinkle, but I savored every moment of it, at least I thought I did, in every way possible.

Prom

(4 years later, this day has finally come and gone, it's a sad truth, but it's true: It's over; Prom's over)

It's been two days since I got back from my three-day, ten-person trip to Pahang. I had great fun there. What made me happier was the fact that I found a friend in many people over those short days. People with whom I used to only exchange short glances or nothing at all are now my friends. And for that I'm so happy. Strangers are friends just waiting to happen - a quote that I deeply believe in. Though after this we may never see each other anymore, at least looking back at all these ten years from now, I would know that I once found a friend in you, hence I thank you, for giving me just so much to remember, and just so much to say goodbye to... It hurts, but then again, it's the sad truth. Oui?

Pahang Trip

Almost two weeks ago, Irinah was still filled with our laughter. But day by day, we started leaving. And day by day, the number of us sending them off is getting smaller. And what was once a united force of 15 dwindled to 3 now... I can no longer open my door, look down at a room with countless numbers of slippers outside and go in, knowing that I would be greeted with infinite laughter and happiness. I never knew how big a part they all played in my heart until the time came to part. Was it wrong of me to have taken everything for granted; everyone for granted, and to then have reality hit me hard on my face as I realized that it was my time to let go too, just like everyone else? I thought I had all the time in my hands, but it has dawned on me that I may not see a lot of them again. But... But I'm not ready. 

I'll miss this beautiful school too: the G16 singing-before-add-math-class days, the G18 selfie-in-local-history-class days, the 'redundant'-U13-days-with-Disney, the playing-netball-with-boys-days for PE, the G4-sitting-by-the-window days... The mandatory Wednesday-breakfast-outside days, the after-school-at-tuckshop days, the after-prep-in-the-pantry nights, rock climbing every-Tuesdays-and Thursdays, badminton-on-Sunday-mornings, L11-dinner-plus-walking around the school-feat-Moon Moon/Carol days, basketball-with-the-Imran-boys days, MMM days... Can't you see? All the memories that I've unknowingly created in this school? Have you ever had anything at all that makes saying goodbye so hard? If you do, how did you deal with it? How do you say goodbye...to all these memories? I know life goes on, I know people eventually will leave and forget, I know...and I'm tired of hearing all these because if all these have ever meant something to you, even if they only meant a little - hold on to them. Because...I will. Cherish.

High School

may our paths cross and our stars align someday

till then, it's goodbye

∞

...and I'll tell you all about it till I see you again"

two days!

I feel the excitement and adrenalin flowing all over me like tidal waves! Hence, I'm finding it so hard to focus. Focus, I gotta do add math! Just one more - I'm down to my final paper now (not to mention, the hardest paper)! Just like that... I'll be finishing one small part of my life. Just earlier this morning, it hit me : It's an accomplishment, you see, to undertake IGCSEs, though I'm constantly told that their difficulty is a mere overstatement relative to A Levels and the IB. But those can come later. For now, I'm still in disbelief at how everything is passing by rocket-speed fast. In 2 days, I'll be done with IGCSEs.. In 4 days I'll be going to prom (prom...after 4 years of day dreaming, you're finally here?)... In 18 days, I'll be graduating from high school.... It's all too much to take in. I'm excited, but I'm not ready either.

Lord, I'll follow Your plan, and relish this remarkable ride they call life.

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see sweet life
I'm stuck in the dark but You're my flashlight
You're getting me, getting me through the night

Cause You're my flashlight... 

*PS. I really, really have to focus on add maths now... 
Till then, x

      //

When tomorrow comes

I'll be on my own

Feeling frightened of

The things that I don't know

When tomorrow comes

Tomorrow comes

Tomorrow comes..."

Who's my flashlight?

//

6 more days... Hey, hang in there, you've made it thus far.

"That's why... 

I don't know how much more of this I can take anymore. 

I'm not strong, 

I just pretend I am"