Dear Blogger,
I think it is about time that I filled you in about a huge part of my life... At the end of last year, I decided to give the college that everyone claimed to be really hard to get in a shot - just so it would give me a taste on how it was to apply to university in the future. And out of sheer luck, I got accepted... A fact that up until today, even as I am typing away furiously on my laptop within the precincts of the castle building, is still as surreal to me as the night I received the phone call. Everything is so unrealistic, and I still pinch myself every now and then, wondering just when I would be pulled back to reality - it never happened.
Out of the 7 (or it might have been 9) candidates who were chosen, why was it that the national committee assigned me to the campus in the States is beyond me, for as of this moment, it still remains a question that I long the answer for. America... Blogger, do you know how much America means to me? Ever since I was a little girl, back to the Disney Channel and High School Musical days, I have been fantasising to live in this beautiful country, to be part of it. *smiles* I still remember lying against my bedroom wall, crying in my knees everyday when I was 13, praying that daddy would just send me there immediately - no such luck.
Here I am... At seventeen, all alone in this beautiful country of my dreams, of which I would be spending the next two years, and hopefully more, here. But I miss home immensely, Blogger... But really I just miss mommy the most. I miss her so, so much it hurts. I like it here, but it is all so overwhelming, though that feeling is subsiding ever so slowly. I miss walking down to her room to see her still in bed, feeling a sense of pride given that this never happens very often; I miss how she would very quickly brush her teeth, wash her face and bring along her facial products to the dining room just because she knows that I am hungry every breakfast; I miss how she would squeeze next to me in my bed and just spend the night there; I miss how much effort she puts in her cooking to make sure that she satisfies my appetite, despite the fact that time after time again I would push away her act of kindness... I miss everything about her, and to think that I can only see her in a year's time hurts me so much, Blogger... My tears cannot help themselves but pour down my cheeks every time I think of her. I've never missed home more; I've never loved mommy more than I do now. I miss her so, so much.
Everyone here is so nice and I have made a few good friends, but the loneliness in my chest is unavoidable. My appetite has shrunk so much, it is as though my taste buds are failing me. I am happy to be in my dream country, and very often I try to think of just how lucky I am to be living my dreams as according to mommy,
my life has really only just begun. But it is also hard to put on that smile for too long, you know? I may seem strong, but I am not. I never was, and I never will be...
You never really know just how much someone means to you until they are no longer by your side. And when that happens, it hurts so much...
Have courage and be kind. Have courage and be kind. Have courage and be kind. Have cou-
Courage...the one thing that I do not have right now.
it is at times like this that I feel lucky...
if only you were here to see magic happen in this castle with me,
mommy and daddy
I love you...
I should stop here before these tears flow any longer. There you go, Blogger - here's a big part of my life that I am entrusting you with.
Until then,
xx
