"Las Vegas"

'Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder', true, but such beauty I believe is genuinely beautiful, and I was lucky enough to witness it yesterday. This place does not cease to amaze me bit by bit each day.  

Once again, I wish they were here to see all of these too.

very often, the beauty of black and white is neglected; 

very often, they are the ones that contain the utmost beauty

Until then, xx

this is all getting out of hand, but there is no one to tell...all there is left to do is to slowly die inside, unless this monster decides to take all of me and swallow me whole, I can only stay silent. 

A lesson finds the common denominator and links us all together, like a chain. At the end of the chain dangles a clock, and on the face of the clock the passing of time is registered. We hear it, the hushed tick-rock sound that breaks any silence, and we see it, but often we don't feel it. Each second makes its mark on every single person's life; comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping hot Christmas pudding. 

Time is more precious than gold, more precious than diamonds, we do not have enough of it; it is time that causes the war within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely. Time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for Christmas morning. Time can't be given. But it can be shared. 

As I look up at a sky full of stars tonight, I actually feel very lucky to be where I am today... 
Perhaps they are right - magic does happen in this castle. 
And I hope I am lucky enough to witness a miracle in my next two years here. 

I would have snapped a few worthy shots, but with a broken phone, it was to no avail. 
I promise to let you look through my eyes next time, Blogger. 
Here's hoping for more happy moments as such. 

After spending a week here, tonight might just mark the start of something new...in a good way.
*smiles*

Until then, 
sweet dreams
xx

Because you're a sky, you're a sky full of stars

Such a heavenly view

You're such a heavenly view

Coldplay

(the song that popped into my head at that moment)

start of something new

Dear Blogger,

I think it is about time that I filled you in about a huge part of my life... At the end of last year, I decided to give the college that everyone claimed to be really hard to get in a shot - just so it would give me a taste on how it was to apply to university in the future. And out of sheer luck, I got accepted... A fact that up until today, even as I am typing away furiously on my laptop within the precincts of the castle building, is still as surreal to me as the night I received the phone call. Everything is so unrealistic, and I still pinch myself every now and then, wondering just when I would be pulled back to reality - it never happened.

Out of the 7 (or it might have been 9) candidates who were chosen, why was it that the national committee assigned me to the campus in the States is beyond me, for as of this moment, it still remains a question that I long the answer for. America... Blogger, do you know how much America means to me? Ever since I was a little girl, back to the Disney Channel and High School Musical days, I have been fantasising to live in this beautiful country, to be part of it. *smiles* I still remember lying against my bedroom wall, crying in my knees everyday when I was 13, praying that daddy would just send me there immediately - no such luck.

Here I am... At seventeen, all alone in this beautiful country of my dreams, of which I would be spending the next two years, and hopefully more, here. But I miss home immensely, Blogger... But really I just miss mommy the most. I miss her so, so much it hurts. I like it here, but it is all so overwhelming, though that feeling is subsiding ever so slowly. I miss walking down to her room to see her still in bed, feeling a sense of pride given that this never happens very often; I miss how she would very quickly brush her teeth, wash her face and bring along her facial products to the dining room just because she knows that I am hungry every breakfast; I miss how she would squeeze next to me in my bed and just spend the night there; I miss how much effort she puts in her cooking to make sure that she satisfies my appetite, despite the fact that time after time again I would push away her act of kindness... I miss everything about her, and to think that I can only see her in a year's time hurts me so much, Blogger... My tears cannot help themselves but pour down my cheeks every time I think of her. I've never missed home more; I've never loved mommy more than I do now. I miss her so, so much.

Everyone here is so nice and I have made a few good friends, but the loneliness in my chest is unavoidable. My appetite has shrunk so much, it is as though my taste buds are failing me. I am happy to be in my dream country, and very often I try to think of just how lucky I am to be living my dreams as according to mommy, my life has really only just begun. But it is also hard to put on that smile for too long, you know? I may seem strong, but I am not. I never was, and I never will be...

You never really know just how much someone means to you until they are no longer by your side. And when that happens, it hurts so much... Have courage and be kind. Have courage and be kind. Have courage and be kind. Have cou-

Courage...the one thing that I do not have right now.

it is at times like this that I feel lucky...

if only you were here to see magic happen in this castle with me, 

mommy and daddy

I love you... 

I should stop here before these tears flow any longer. There you go, Blogger - here's a big part of my life that I am entrusting you with. 

Until then,

xx

constant as the stars above

Hey there...

Constant as the stars above
Always know that you are lovedAnd my love shining in you
Will help you make your dreams come true
Will help your dreams come true

I guess I still am, and always will be, a Barbie girl at heart - for even after seventeen years, Barbie movies never fail to leave a smile on my face in the end. 
It's been so long since I checked in here, Blogger. It's been a very busy summer for me, with everyday being very productive in and out of home. With only nine days left, my time here is numbered. I wish to say more, but I am at a loss of words... I promise to write more when I am more ready to share my inner thoughts with you. 

Until then, it is good night for me now. Sweet dreams, you, whoever you may be till today

Barbie as Rapunzel

"Love and imagination can change the world" 

Actually, it can change your world.

Till then.

most productive yet

Today marks the most productive day of the summer (yet)! Going to the bank, washing all three toilets, ironing all the clothes, cooking dinner, doing the dishes... Having single-handedly done all these jobs made me realize one thing: Being a mother, being mommy is no easy job. For that, she's simply amazing...

Every moment spent with her makes saying goodbye more difficult each day

July 15th

So many times I felt just like a burden; that maybe without my presence in this world, life would have been much easier for them; for him, that by now, he would have been resting...enjoying life. So many times I felt apologetic; I simply felt utterly useless...given that he's invested so much in me, only to amount to so little. 

The past tense used above still remains in the present, because really, I still feel the same about myself.

However, a part of me will always hope that during these sixteen years, I have done him proud. Somehow. 

If not, I hope I will. Someday. 

Here's to 72 years, daddy.

And I'm sorry...for anything at all. 

Happy birthday.

Until now, I still do not know just how it feels like to embrace yourself; to accept yourself and everything about you...to love yourself. 

It's just so hard to... I know it is very contradictory for me to say this, given the advices I have given out to people to do just the same, hence I know how you feel. It's hard, it really is.

As I look into the mirror, I see a reflection of insecurities and flaws; I see clouds and shadows. This is the thing about staying home: I am given too much time alone; too much alone time to wander in my pool of thoughts. Conversely, in school, I am never alone, and these same, old, crazy thoughts would never haunt me.

I miss my friends.

I miss school...

It's been so long since I wrote anything here. But that doesn't mean you've been forgotten, blogger. I'll never forget you...you're my platform for the little voices in my head - Thank you. 

The Longest Ride

"Love requires sacrifice, always" - The Longest Ride


A movie that has really made me cry... And then comes the questions in my head: 

But just how can one love so deeply?

...what is love; how does it feel like?

Because I don't quite know anymore. 

Sweet dreams, x