Can't

Home is not the way it used to be anymore. 

Three years ago, dating back to the days in Wesley, I would catch myself mentally counting down the seconds until the clock on the wall strikes 3.50. On the dot, I would make a beeline for the classroom door and, with a spring in my steps, skip out of the gates boisterously because just the thought of going home exhilarated me, in every way possible. Despite the complications that were going through at home then, it did not bother me as much, if not just made me long for home even more, long for the familiar faces - mommy, daddy. I was a happier child.

But how is it possible that, three years later, home is ironically the last place I want to be? It's only been the second day of Chinese New Year and already I crave to be back within the boundaries of KTJ, where I am always surrounded with so many people, such good company. Today, things at home have started to become rather normal again. But normal is really just so different now. Those problems have probably never changed, but I have. I've changed. I've grown. I'm no longer as happy as I was before.

As of this moment, I wish I was not alone, the mere presence of someone next to me now is all I need, even a phone call will do to fill these empty molecules within these four walls.

If sadness is a sign of the passing of time, I don't want to grow up.
I want mommy and daddy back, reunited. 
I want my innocence back.
Give me my happiness back...

 

"oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple..."

But it can't.