Around me people are receiving amazing offers from the most prestigious universities all around the world. I see some jumping in ecstasy, a few with piercing shrieks and others merely waving their letter of admittance in the air - such pride, such happiness. And as I walked past them, I thought "When is it going to be my turn?"... They must have worked their tails off everyday, must have drunk cups after cups after cups of coffee to survive the midnights, must have given their all on the big day itself to be overwhelmed with such blessings in return.
It was hard work but they did it. Yet here I am at form 4, moaning about how stressful life now is when evidently what I'm going through now is nothing in comparison to theirs. Then why are there tears in my eyes when I'm doing Maths or frustrations in my head at the sight of my marked Chemistry test paper? I'm so angry.
And this anger is always, always directed at myself. I know I'm not smart so I work for it. But it kills me inside everytime to see that my effort of 110% was merely a sink-in-my-heart of 80%, if not 75%.
IGCSEs are not so far away and my maths exam is really just a good 61 days from now. I'm so unprepared. Is somebody out there who feels the same way? I hope there is, so I know I'm not alone.
I'll continue to work hard, I'll continue to do my best. I may let the whole world down, but no way am I risking the chance of seeing two disappointed faces in those four walls, when I'm their only hope;
I'll try my best, I'll give my 110%. But if, just if, at the end of the day the verdict is not the same as the outset - I'm sorry...
In the meantime, the least I can do now is to switch to Literature mood, so here I go being all Shakespeare for the rest of the morning - so sophisticated. *giggles*
I'm getting happier each day. :)
"We live in cities, you'll never see on screen
Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things"
- Team, Lorde
Favorite song now.
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