dreams

*a long deep exhale*

Greetings from my room!

My sweet escape ended the instant I set foot on Malaysia ground at 3.30p.m yesterday. I had a good five days breathing a different air being 200 miles away from home. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tired during the trip, to think that I'd been having only less than five hours of sleep for nearly a week now, inclusive of the one night spent at camp where I only had four. But it was great fun, though not many pictures were taken, at least they are captured in...there - where my heart is, yeah there. I'm no bio student, you should know where.

The flowers below are the only few house colors that I managed to savor at Garden By The Bay in Marina Bay Sands, I was hoping to see a blue rose but was of no such luck. It's okay though! The flowers below made me ooh and ahh enough already! *giggles*

Irinah - orange

Jawahir - purple

 

Nadzi - yellow

Alia - red

Imran - pink

 White flowers are just lovely!

The prettiest flower I've seen...yet!

 And here comes the both of us...

 ...plus her brother! P.S. it was -15 degree celcius in there, it's crazy cold!!!

 and me, now don't I look tall? *wink wink* 

 At the same time, I feel that I actually had a glimpse of how the real world would be a few years from now, as I step out of my comfort zone and embark on a new chapter in my life, after KTJ - and this vision gives me the chill. Surely I want to go out there and push boundaries and enjoy life, but am I ready for it? Am I ready for the 9 to 5 jobs (if not more)? Am I ready to open my eyes to a compact room and an unfamiliar face for a flatmate? Am I ready to grab a leftover sandwich from the night before and catch the subway to my office building (wherever that may be) eight stations due North (completely made that one up)?  Am I ready to work my tail off with paperwork, customers, meetings, phone calls, presentations, dresses, briefcases...and to repeat the same things the next day and the day after, again and again?

Am I ready for that? Because last I checked, my days till graduation are numbered. It's like I've boarded on a train and I watch each station go by, watch as foreign countenances take the seats of familiar faces as they have reached the end of their destination, only to start a new one beyond what this train will ever offer. Soon it shall be my turn. Soon I will be like one of them, whom I call seniors. Soon I will be the one deciding just which station I wish to get down from, and whether I should make a left turn or right, seeing there are two flights of stairs awaiting me. Soon I will be alone. No more an Irininian, nor a KTJ-ian (is that even how you call it?). It'll be just me, an individual, roaming the streets of a foreign land where nobody is the least bit interested in who I am because their presence is engulfing enough already - politicians, lawyers, doctors, professors...

I guess I'm still in my own bubble. People have been telling me lately that I'm always just in my own bubble, lost in my own world, and I know that, but it hurts when I'm told about it. *laughs* I'm a girl with dreams too, big or small, I have dreams that I wish will come true. I'm a girl who wants to be a lot of things, like a Divergent, hehe. At least in that movie, people can choose where they want to be, be that Dauntless, Abnegation or Erudite, even Factionless is somewhere. But no. I don't know what the future holds and I don't know two years from now just where I will be. But what I do know, and what scares me most now, is the fact that I cannot complete one maths paper without facing difficulties. And if I can't even get that right, just what can I do?
*exhales again, long and slow*

It's raining cats and dogs here and I've got my piano lesson in 9 minutes. Sigh. Another thing to worry over.

"I've always dreamed
That my life could be
Like a fairy-tale
A perfect fantasy

Oh, I want so much more

So much more

Than a dream..."

- So Much More Than A Dream, Cinderella III