Just a few days ago I felt as though I couldn't have asked for anything more, that almost everything, if not everything, in my life was going really well ever since school started. I was happy, I felt really happy. Everyday would be consumed with so many activities that there simply wasn't room for this voice in my head. You know, I actually felt cared for, I felt loved, because for once I felt important in someone's life, that I was meant more and not the other way round. I felt lucky... I felt happy. But I don't understand why nothing ever lasts for me. Everything in my life seems temporary. Just when I am getting accustomed to change, everything changes again. Time after time I would think that I've finally gotten something and it is only in a matter of weeks, or just days, before it is taken away from me again. I used to see the world through rose-colored spectacles, and I find that I still do, but this childish act of mine - it has to stop and I'm getting tired of it, I'm losing hope. If this is a challenge the Lord has set for me, I don't want it, please. Please just make it stop. I'm tired of taking a few steps back as a form of letting go, I'm more tired of building up walls and not being able to tell the other the reason for my doing so, I'm most tired of seeing them fade away from my life because of the silence I provide. I thought I had everything, and that was just a few days ago. I was a fool to think it would last me for the remaining years of my time in this school, a fool to believe that for once in my life everything would actually be okay. I guess I was wrong, again. I feel like I've just lost everything that's ever meant anything in my life. And I'm now left with nothing. I've never felt lonelier in my life. I am so sad. 

I wonder how long more I'll last.

“ 我想要变成回忆

退出了这场生命 ”