25th

25 December, 2014

If only life could be so simple everyday, with so much laughter and happiness and love. How great that would be, with nothing much to contemplate, to worry over. If that's all it takes for everyone to be happy... I don't mind giving my everything to see them smile. I want to do so many things, but they are not wrong when they say "so much to do, so little time". I am aware of the passing of every second, and every now and then as I look down at my watch, my heartbeat races against the monotonous tick-tock. We are running out of time is what I tell myself each time, but what can I do? And I hate it when it is time to leave, when we have to bid our goodbyes, I want to say so many things, thank-yous, sorrys, take cares, but all that leaves my mouth is 'bye'. We are running out of time. 

I'm so, so scared. Am I missing out a lot in life? Why do I feel that I am so many steps behind from the people around me? And I feel that however hard I try, I just can't catch up. I feel so small, so insignificant each time I look into the mirror, as I see a face of low self-esteem, of no confidence, of insecurities, of inferiority. 

If only life could be so simple everyday. If only I could make everyone happy all day everyday, what I would give to do so you have no idea - I guess that is why people tell me I'm gullible, even mommy tells me so, and that I can never please everybody... I know that, and I hate myself for that. But I want to, you know? To know that they are happy with me, it means a lot to me. I don't know why, but it matters. To me, it matters. 

I don't know what I want, haha... It hurts again. I'm so lost. I want some answers to this life I'm living. Maybe then, I would stop over-thinking again. It's another sentimental day for me, oh don't mind me.

Especially not today!

Merry Merry Christmas

Till then, x

只要你可以永远开心

我会情愿渐渐被忘记

罗志祥