late night thoughts

sometimes, I would like to think that I'm the luckiest girl in the world, that there simply cannot be anything better than what I already have before me and around me

sometimes, I just can't...I just can't stop thinking of all the bad things about me and how my presence would only bring more harm and sadness to the lives of others; disappointment and shame to that of my parents', that maybe the best way to ensure sheer bliss is to just...never have existed - be gone 

and such thoughts would overwhelm me, making it hard for me to breathe, like right now. So I choose to sleep.

"I'm not brave, Mom. I pretend that I am. I want people to think that I am but I'm not. I'm really, really scared."

- Tris