What's the use of trying anymore, when all the while I'm merely fighting a losing battle? It's time I admitted defeat, admitted to myself that no matter how hard I tried, the outcome would still be the same. I wish the cruelties of reality would slap me hard now and leave its victorious marks upon my face - waking me up from dreaming that I could actually be better. Ironic, isn't it? I want to feel the pain, to know that I'm actually still alive. Because I don't feel myself anymore... And it scares me so bad.