cross again

Was it really my last day?

I've learnt a lot, laughed a lot, all this while. And it's them who showed me so.

Hence already I'm missing everyone.
A little too much, I would say.
But I guess this is life.

But I hope, oh I hope -
I'm missed dearly too...

I pray for your happiness, and that, someday somehow,
Our stars may cross.

Again.

"all about us"

And this is my new favorite too ♡

I should start walking back. Break time is almost up, oops.

 

// 

Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance.

I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down.

Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet.

Give it a try, it'll be alright

The room's hush hush and now's our moment.

Take it in, feel it all and hold it

Eyes on you, eyes on me.

We're doing this right.

'Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love

Spotlight's shining. It's all about us

It's oh, oh, all

About uh, uh, us

And every heart in the room will melt

This is a feeling I've never felt

But it's all about us

Suddenly I'm feeling brave

Don't know what's got into me

Why I feel this way

Can we dance real slow?

Can I hold you real close?

The room's hush hush and now's our moment

Take it in, feel it all and hold it

Eyes on you, eyes on me

We're doing this right

Do you hear that love? They're playing our song

Do you think we're ready? Oh, I'm really feeling it

Do you hear that love? Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love? They're playing our song

Do you think we're ready yet? Oh, I'm really feeling it

Do you hear that love? Do you hear that love?

Do you hear that love? They're playing our song

Do you think we're ready yet? Oh, I'm really feeling it

Do you hear that love? Do you hear that love?

Lovers dance when they're feeling in love

Spotlight's shining. It's all about us

It's oh, oh, all

Every heart in the room will melt

This is a feeling I've never felt

But it's all about us

'Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love

Spotlight's shining. It's all about us

It's oh, oh, all (about us)

Hey, hey, hey

(And every heart in the room will melt)

This is a feeling I've never felt

But it's all, it's all about us

// 

I feel free... And it feels good. Yeah, pretty good.

somewhere, somehow

And I'm not anticipating school. I don't think I'm prepared for a new term, for form 5. I haven't even registered that I'm fifteen no longer, but a year older now.

"Sixteen is the same as fifteen. Just one year older" - Ryan 

Is that how it feels? I guess he is right. But I don't want it to be like fifteen. I want it to be better, nicer. Happier. :) 

Everyone makes a big deal out of the big word "sweet sixteen". I wonder why. Why sixteen? Of all ages? 

It's my last year of high school and I might as well get a good one, at sixteen, yes? 

But that doesn't make me any more excited for school, because I am not. At all. Funny. Coming from a girl who counted down the days to the day of uniform and homework and teachers. I miss my friends, but not what comes with the package. 

And airplanes scare me... In one day, a few friends are in a plane flying back to Malaysia, back home. And they have made it here safe and sound. For that, thank You... For having your hands upon them. I don't know what's going on... But whatever it is, I pray that nothing of such happens... Again. People were coming back for Raya! To unite with their family... Some only because the route was more convenient than the alternative. Others because their parents told them so, to board the plane and anticipate a lovely summer vacation... Why? Why them? Why must it be those innocent souls who had a reason to live?

Somewhere, their families should be wondering this too - why?  

This saddens me too. 

"I close my eyes and pray..."

shyly happy

Hello there.

Guilt has been calling on me every now and then for not writing here enough. And for the very first time, I am not lost in books, but a glass of hot soy milk. Each sip I take feels like seventh heaven really, as the rich liquid travels first down my throat, down my trachea, past my oesophagus... I'm no bio student, figure the rest out yourself! *smiling* 

Five hours of walking back and forth doesn't feel exhausting until I sit down. That's when it hits me. I guess I'm pretty worn out, at least my legs are doing all the complaining. But I'm only left with two more days... With the people whom I am proud to call "family", in a way. It's always like that, isn't it? Just when you thought you could stay there forever, it's time to say goodbye, to part ways, with a fat chance that your path may never cross theirs anymore. It feels so much like a video game, the unfamiliarity of the highways as you start to steer the wheel, followed by the increasing exhilaration at the peak, then the game over sign just pops before you, insinuating that it's time you left. That's how I'm feeling now. I don't see the sign just yet, I'm at the peak, making swift turns and decelerating mountain hills without a care for the world. But soon, real soon, it's my turn to leave the car seat too. To face homework after homework after homework - to face my real life. 

But! There's always buts in life, remember? I would love to share with you my day some 72 hours ago...

I'm not giving away much details but it was merely another tiring day at work and nobody was up for much talking. with pretty much everybody, all supposedly waiting for a pep talk that never existed hehe - hence they just indulged in their phones, whilst I popped my earphones and allowed some music to lead me to my own reverie. Until it was broken by this... It was all half an hour early but I'm not complaining. :) I felt their sincerity.

And I hope the picture does the rest of the talking for I have none to offer... So leave me be. *smiling*


I was happy. Yeah, I was shyly happy.

is it?

Why do we live in a world in which revolves around the theif of our happiness? Why must the amount of money determine the quality of our lives? If this is what entering reality rewards me, I don't want it. 

But I do have dreams. Dreams that I wish to achieve sometime from now, whatever they may be. But for now, what I do know is that those dreams are built under one fundamental factor... Happiness. 

They work so hard, yet their diligence amounts to so little. So, so little. Yet, in the other side of the world I was pandered to my wants and needs... But growing up, I still wanted more. How could I have been so ungrateful? It's so hard to survive. I know now. I see it. I get it. I feel it. This is reality. This is life. But with all that, please don't take my happiness away...

But I guess life is unfair, isn't it? 

This is not how growing up should be.

Is it?

Because it saddens me...

This emptiness... It saddens me. Haha. Good night. 

beating heart

Doing the 9am shift today, and before the day officially starts, I just must share this song here... My new favorite, I guess. Listen to it, oh do listen to it. In fact, for those who haven't, watch the movie... You won't regret it, at least I didn't! *fingers-crossed*

//

Eyes make their peace in difficulties

With wounded lips and salted cheeks

And finally we step to leave

To the departure lounge of disbelief

And I don't know where I'm going

But I know it's gonna be a long time

And I'll be leaving in the morning

Come the white wine bitter sunlight

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight

Before the bleeding sun comes alive

I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight

And hear my beating heart one last time

Before daylight

In the canyon underneath the trees

Behind the dark sky, you looked at me

I fell for you like autumn leaves 

Never faded, evergreen

And I don't know where I'm going

But I know it's gonna be a long time

'Cause I'll be leaving in the morning

Come the white wine bitter sunlight

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight

Before the bleeding sun comes alive

I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight

And hear my beating heart one last time

I can't face this now everything has changed

I just wanna be by your side, here's hoping we collide

Here's hoping we collide

Here's hoping we collide

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight

Before the bleeding sun comes alive

I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight

And hear my beating heart one last time

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight

//

Divergent... ♡

The emptiness in my stomach is inevitable, to think that taking up a job could, partly, fill up some empty spaces on the inside - it did though, guess its effect is just starting to subside. 

This emptiness... I can't quite pinpoint just how it feels, but I feel it. And am feeling it as I type. It is this muffled, aching pain that tugs at my chest every now and then, unwilling to succumb to my demand to just stop, please stop...

I wonder why I'm feeling this way, though I feel happy. At least I think I'm happy... How does happiness feel anyway? If it were to be described in black and white? I doubt there is one accurate definition for it, but I wish there was, and that someone would tell me. I want to know. 

I guess I just need someone to talk to. I need my best friend now... Why must you be a hundred thousand (possibly more) miles away from me at this time? I guess I just want to talk. To let this, whatever it may be, all out. I can't wait for you to be back... In the meantime, writing here is all I can do I guess.

Better clock out now, mommy is waiting for me down in the car park. Time to go home... Just like that - one day gone. 

do I?

Hello there.

Been thinking about a good way to kickstart this particular post... 

And I think I've got it. However, prior to that, it's just a little bit about me first. Work has been good, and already in the 11 days of my working there, I have seen, literally, the same familiar faces for three to four times already! And each time they eat there, very coincidentally I will be serving them - probably a privilege in itself. 

It's daddy's birthday today... I never know just quite what to say in special occasions like such, especially in front of the people who love me, and that's the two people with whom I find difficulty in articulating my thoughts (and you would think that they worked hard to send me to school to receive a proper education which educates me to do proper speaking)... *smiling* 

So I will think of something to say. I will. In the meantime, happy happy birthday... Daddy. 

Also, here's a song that is rather different from most songs... And I hope it teaches everyone just something. Please, have a listen. 

//

Oooh

Oooh

Put your make up on

Get your nails done

Curl your hair

Run the extra mile

Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on

Don't be shy, girl

Take it off

This is what you want, to belong, so they like you

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try

Yooou don't have to try

Oooh

Oooh

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards

You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you

Do they like you?

Wait a second,

Why should you care, what they think of you

When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?

Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to bend until you break

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try

Yooou don't have to try

Noooo

Oooh

You don't have to try so hard

You don't have to give it all away

You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up

You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try, try, try, try

You don't have to try

You don't have to try

Take your make up off

Let your hair down

Take a breath

Look into the mirror, at yourself

Don't you like you?

Cause I like you

//

Try, Colbie Caillat 

So don't you like you? 

And do I like me?

okay

" I see your monsters, I see your pain.
Tell me your problems, I'll chase them away.
I'll be your lighthouse. I'll make it okay.
When I see your monsters I'll stand there so brave, and chase them all away. "

- Monsters, Timeflies ft. Katie Sky

A song for whoever reads this. Came across this as I was brushing my teeth two mornings ago.
*hand-covering monkey emoji* 

That's all from me for now.

Okay...

Okay.

Sweet dreams. ♡