I just wanna be alone now. This way I've only got my own self to blame, to hate... What did I do? I don't know. I really don't. 

how to fall in love 5.0

" Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing, just like thoughts, negative and positive. And though it may be human nature to dwell, like many natural things it's senseless, senseless to allow a single thought to inhabit a mind because thoughts are like guests or fair-weather friends. As soon as they arrive, they can leave, and even the ones that take a long time to emerge fully can disappear in an instant. Moments are precious; sometimes they linger and other times they're fleeting, and yet so much could be done in them, you could change a mind, you could save a life and you could even fall in love. "

- page 412 & 413

I know, I know nobody stays forever. But part of me still clings onto the hope that maybe, maybe people stay, at least some will...  Right?
And that true love does exist. Like Adam and Christine. 

Sweet dreams ♡

how to fall in love 4.0

"And the poor girl was too embarrassed and too afraid to turn to her parents, afraid they'd 'kill' her. So she decided to do it to herself instead, end the embarrassment, the pain, the loneliness. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. This pain would not last forever; she would bear the scars of the experience and she would remember it for the rest of her life, no doubt it would influence every decision she made from this moment on. But where pain was, healing could come; where loneliness was, new relationships could be formed; where rejection was, new love could be found. It was a moment. And moments changed. She would have to live through the moment to get to the next."

- page 388

" There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, 

we'll make it through "

- Keep Holding On, Avril Lavigne

How To Fall In Love 3.0

 I took a long, shaky breath and directed my words at him.

' Where would we be without tomorrows? What we'd have instead would be todays. And if that was the case, with you, I'd hope for the longest day for today. I'd fill today with you, doing everything I've ever loved. I'd laugh, I'd talk, I'd listen and learn, I'd love, I'd love, I'd love. I'd make every day today and spend them all with you, and I'd never worry about tomorrow, when I wouldn't be with you. And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us, please know that I didn't want to leave you, or be left behind, that every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life. '

- page 190

" Take a leap in faith and hope you fly
Feel what it's like to be alive
Give it all that we've got
And lay it all on the line "

- Live Like There's No Tomorrow, Selena Gomez

'He won't help himself so he's making you do it all for him. Well, I'll tell you one thing, you can give him all the help in the world, but unless he learns to fend for himself, it'll be useless.'

- page 269


"It was at the end and he didn't like endings, he didn't like partings or goodbyes and he didn't like leaving. Change occurred on his terms when was good and ready. It was the look in his eye, the tone of his voice, everything that made Adam Adam which had altered since we set foot in the house, and not that I thought about it, had begun to creep in since he'd hung up the phone earlier. It gave me a sick feeling in my stomach, because I realised how utterly serious Adam was about leaving this world and I knew, if he attempted it again, this time he would get the job done, he would not stop until he was successful."

- page 305

Don't give up on yourself... 

No matter how hard it may be, 

don't give up.

how to fall in love 2.0

"The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear"

"those once-full kisses had been reduced to familiar pecks on the cheeks"

"I think I fell in love with being in love and now my love affair with the dream is over..."

" Whoa, you got my head in the clouds
Whoa, you got me thinking out loud
The more you dream about me the more I believe
That nothing's ever out of reach
So dream, dream, dream "

- Dream, Miley Cyrus

'You don't know that.'

'Have you ever known something and not know it at the same time?'    

-page 132

“ 我知道你还是爱着我
虽然分开的理由我们都已接受
你知道我会有多难过
所以即使到最后还微笑着要我加油 ”

－ 我知道，BY 2

how to fall in love 1.0

For as long as I can remember, I haven't had any quality reading since PS. I Love You as whenever I did have some time to spare, I would find my hands involuntarily fingering the cover of my phone, swiping the scraped screen, refreshing (again and again and again) any app at all for new posts or notifications, only to find none, every other second. Sometimes, I catch myself just simply...staring. Into nothing. Sometimes... How I wish we still lived in a world devoid of technological devices of any form. Maybe we would learn to appreciate the little things in life a bit more. Even a letter mailed from some decent miles away in which contains simply Hey, how have you been? will definitely lift a smile on my face. At least there is more sincerity... More... Of the genuineness of one's heart.

On a brighter note, it is worth celebrating that I have, this afternoon, completed a book as Cecelia Ahern has once again tugged at my heartstrings, making me believe in happily ever afters again, after her success at PS. I Love You. Thus, once again, I would love to share a few quotes by her that I see fit, that I think are beautiful descriptions. This blog could use a bit of pep talking!

If you are reading this right now... Life is beautiful. So please don't give up on it just yet. There is so much more to it if you will only just open your eyes. Ye of little faith. 

It won't be long until you see your silver lining. Maybe then, just maybe...
You might even learn how to fall in love.

so soon

I want to say so many things.

But sharing all my thoughts over here just seems such a difficult task these few days because nothing fruitful is really coming out, mainly everything that is lying in between the lines. It's been days since I checked in here, my comfort zone in which I can find confidement. Hence, I shall share a little something before giving into the arms of Morphous tonight - It's time I stopped escaping.

Yes. Exams are finally over and so far... I've learnt the hard way, to not expect so much. Growing up a confident kid, too often my heart had shattered at the sight of my grades. I've come across this book when I was 12, behind which was written in cursive "The higher you aim, the further you fall". It has stuck with me ever since - a reality-check time after time I find myself expecting more than is capable of my own abilities. I know I've worked for it... But I still wonder. I still do. Wonder. 

It is nearing the first week of FIFA and already it is such a rip-roaring spectacular, such a heated topic lingering at the lips of the familiar faces I see around school. Waking up at 3 in the morning for a few consecutive nights were rather exhilarating, experienced only after 15 years of life in this world. Though the exhaustion slowly sunk in towards the long, scorching afternoons, it was a good experience, I guess. *smiling* Yeah, it was a good few nights... Until our Astro card got taken out last night.
Oops.

Why do we get unhappy? Why are we bound to such emotions that act as barriers to an otherwise happy life? I don't want to see the people around me get unhappy. I've learned, and am still learning that we should be appreciating and being happy... All day, everyday. Hehe... Naivity has taken over me... I'm sorry. 

Just know that... Everybody deserves to be happy. And you do too. You, who are reading this right now. *still smiling*

" If you ask me how I'm doing 

I would say I'm doing just fine

I would lie and say that you're not on my mind "

- Not Over You, Gavin DeGraw

Summer in 11 days...

Form 5 in 8 weeks...

IGCSEs in 11 months...

Graduation in 1 year...

Should I be anticipating any of it? 

Hehe... Are you?

Sweet dreams. ♡

Daddy's Day

" Love is always patient and kind. 

It is never jealous.

Love is never boastful or conceited.

It is never rude or selfish.

It does not take offense and is not resentful.

Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, 

but delights in the truth.

It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, 

and to endure whatever comes "

Jamie is the truest essence to that description.

- A Walk To Remember

Happy Daddy's Day.

I miss you, daddy...

I know you'll never leave me... ♡

“ 是我想太多

我总这样说

这是唯一能

安慰我的理由 ” 

… 

Right now, I want nothing more but a shoulder to cry on...

just two more days

“ 不知不觉我爱上了他
想方法去表达
勇气你在哪
那么多路人甲
阻挡不了我对你爱的想法
抛开那些最浪漫的话
我只想为你把所有冰雹融化
就这样一直走
我这一生中的每一个冬夏 ” 

- 勇敢爱

来，笑一个，甜甜的哦…

The upbeat and adorably adorable song that gets my happiness going these days. Just two more days... I can do it. We can all do it. Sweet dreams. ♡

remnants of a brave heart

Everybody leaves. Eventually, they just do. And I am simply not strong enough to see it happen. But the thing is, I have. I have seen it happen before and I don't ever want to see it happen again. People seem to be leaving, one by one...without even saying goodbye. And this begs the question that lingers in my head, haunting me every now and then, what happened to all the promises? Being ignored is my biggest fear. But now as I am typing, being left behind,  I realize, scares me more. I'm not strong enough to endure the loss of yet another person from my life. And I'm saying this from the remnants of what was once a brave heart. Albeit many people once promised me they would stay, they didn't. However, at least one thing is certain: I know you will never leave me mommy and daddy... ♡
 
And that's enough.
A lie I tell myself each day.

Once again, falling asleep is getting harder and harder each night...

Why? 

till then

Tomorrow marks day one of my end-of-term exams before the school breaks up for summer, before it is time to draw the curtains for my life in form four. Sitting alone down in the study room of Irinah, my brain refuses to make room for the key themes for "All My Sons", which I will be tested on around this time tomorrow, which also means I've got only 24 more hours at hand.

I love E Lit, don't get me wrong. But then again, dare I say, E Lit is the only subject I find myself escaping from, the only subject that I try my very best to avoid touching in every way possible. Hence, it explains why I am cramming everything there is to know, from Uma's character in "Fasting, Feasting" to basically everything there is to know for "All My Sons".

I refrain from staring into space, as it is what I do best.
And I fear for an imminent head-nodding session, as it is what I do best of the best.
Hence, checking in here is a better alternative. *smiling*

That's about all that I've got to say, given that the art of English Literature has robbed me of my vocabulary, feeding me ravenously instead with connotations, writer's intention and persuasive techniques.

So there.
You'll probably only be hearing from me four days later.
After all, it's just four days, right?
Four days, no biggie.
It's just four days.
Four. Whole. Days.
Oh dear, and look at what I'm doing?

Hehe, till then. ♡

the climb

我不是最好的女儿

我还是拥有那个只会展现在你们面前的我

发小姐脾气的我，爱拖拖拉拉的我

但是我会改变的，不，我正在改变

都要十六岁了的我虽然很怀念被照顾、被保护的那些年

但快十六岁的我也很清楚的知道很快的，将会是时候轮到我照顾你们了

我每一天都在长大，想读好书，考好成绩给你们看

我不是最聪明的但我会尽力

我不是最聪明的但你女儿我可是有她自己的梦想的哦！

你们等着看哦，我会展翅高飞的

去做我喜欢的事

在我梦寐以求的国家

三年后，我会去实现我的梦想

去寻找属于我自己的幸福，我自己的人生道路

                  "Life's a climb, 

           But the view is great..."

               - Miley Cyrus ♡

try

今天的我很开心

但这样的开心到底能持续多久呢？

一年的时间，说长不长，说短也一点都不短…

我不敢去想象以后

不敢再胡思乱想了

只想过好每一天

让我最后一年的中学生涯化为美丽的句点…

Six more days till the end of exams, till the end of all the presumably "stress" that has been instilled in my mentality. But if there's one thing that I've gotten out of my three-and-a-half hour of heart-to-heart talk with my best-best friend is that we should be enjoying the peak of our high school life now. Because really... What are IGCSEs 5 years from now? Better yet, 2 two years from now, form four exams will just be form four exams... Nothing else.

So instead of living a life that is either expected of others or peer-pressured by our surrounding environment or purely out of the mindset that "I am just not good enough", we should all be... Enjoying life.

For life is too short for anything else - all the unnecessary elements that cost us our happiness. Remember those five regrets that I've written before? I don't want to reflect on my life twenty years from now, finding "future me" to be drawing a long sigh, wishing time could reverse itself. 

Really there is nothing for me to worry about. Not yet. And I've got everything that I need, so why do I still ask for more? I'm happy now, just the way things are, just the way I am (I guess). And I'll try to love myself a little bit more...

不爱自己的我

怎么有资格去爱呢？

怎么有资格被爱呢?

It's hard, but I'll try.
I'm happy now, and I'll try to be more and more each day.
And I hope all of you will too.
Sweet dreams.

珍惜… ♡ 

past

Nobody can hide away from the past, from the people who have, even if it was for a day, come across a certain stage in your life and left footsteps in your heart. You may have moved on, may have flipped open a new chapter in your life and start to live it from scratch. But at some point in life, you'll find yourself coming across that one chapter from before involuntarily, that one chapter that you once so confidently ended with a "happily ever after". When that day does happen, just what's going on in your head? Do old feelings unravel? Or are they merely just the past, just a phase in your life that you have very carefully concealed and kept it hidden in the deepest darkest part in your head? I wonder. Is it the same for everybody? Or, perhaps, just like any other day, my over-thinking skills have acted upon me.

nine more

I am so exhausted right now. Merely staring at my econs papers when really my eyes just involuntarily stares into space, into obscurity. Already I am making a big fuss out of my end-of-term examinations, what more IGCSEs next year? Let alone my Sixth Form life in this school two years from now...? I don't want to stay here for A Levels, but really there is no where that I can go to but to stay. It's for the best, perhaps. Everything happens for a reason, yes? I wonder what the Lord has in plan for me then. 

Oops. Snapping back to reality now - Form four life. I should be using my second prep wisely, instead writing here is what I am doing now. But it is the perfect place to vent. I should get back to some studying before remorse washes over me.

Just nine more days.

I hope

Only With My Heart

//

환하게 웃어요 난 걱정하지 마요

난 지금도 이렇게 웃잖아요

난 못 잊을 테니까 나만 기억하면 되니까

잊지 않을게요 웃어봐요

환하게 웃어요 난 감사할 뿐이죠

그대와의 추억이 있잖아요

꼭 숨겨두었다가 혼자 꺼내보면 되니까

보고플 땐 힘이 될 거에요

마음으로만 난 그 댈 훔치고

마음으로만 난 그댈 안을게요

그것으로 돼요 나 때문에 아프지 마요

눈길만 부딪쳐도 난 눈물 나요

시간이 쌓이고 사랑도 길어지면

미울 때 있을 텐데 다행이죠

다정했던 그대만 나를 안아주던 그 날만

난 기억 할 테니 좋잖아요

마음으로만 난 그댈 훔치고

마음으로만 난 그댈 안을게요

그것으로 돼요 나 때문에 아프지 마요

눈길만 부딪쳐도 난 눈물 나요

혹시 우연처럼 또 마주친대도 모른 척 나를 지나쳐가세요

심장이 찢어지듯 가슴은 울겠지만

스치듯 잠시 그댈 볼 수 있게

마음으로만 난 그댈 탐내고

마음으로만 난 입 맞추면 돼요

미안하지 마요 어차피 다 내 몫인걸요

사랑해도 미안해해도 난 같아요

//

At the end of the day, this is really the only song that I turn to... To make myself believe that miracles do happen. And that true love does exist. And that happily ever afters do happen. And one day, I hope, just one day, it will all happen to me too. As magical as The Heirs. As beautiful as a dream catcher... ♡ 

Already it is the first of June... Too fast.

But here's me being wishful that something nice will happen this month. Before summer.

Sweet dreams.