because I know when I close those eyelids, they will later open me to my final year in high school, where everyone gets a little older, a little wiser. The monotony of our footsteps, as they shift simultaneously towards classrooms of past year papers, as our eyes start to lose their glitter, shadowed by the imminent finals that determine our future paths. Conversations are centered on graduations and life afterwards, insinuations that really just act as early goodbyes. Seeing, and not just looking, at those everyday faces, before I am no longer granted such luck. Writing down every single event that happens, significance no matter, before this memory fails me. Perhaps occasionally doing the impossible, even, a crazy school year ensured. Having taught that life is about stepping out of your comfort zone - so why wait?

still I would rather wait, hence I keep them open, my eyelids I mean, my determination being relentless to succumb to their weight. Sixteen. An age so perfect to be in, and so surreal to me, its enunciation still unaccustomed to my tongue, neither registered in my head. Feeling old, I am, though really my life has only just begun, and a month ago thereabouts, I have taken my first step forward, towards somewhere called reality. And there's no chickening out, not today no, for I am only hours away from all of the above. And yet my eyes still are opened, but they are giving in slowly, before finally closing to some sleep.

because I know - what's the point? This is real life. And in real life, it is all but a race against time. A race in which nobody wins. So there. 

" I'm kinda older than I was when I revelled without a care
So there "

- Lorde