last week

I cannot hide my excitement for Christmas! I feel like a little girl all over again. All I've been thinking about these few days is Christmas, how magical the mere thought is. Even the school tuckshop is getting festive already, what with putting a mini Christmas tree beside the counter as well as a dim lighting dangling from the ceiling - just to my liking. I love dim lights! Are they simply not just hopelessly romantic and cozy? Plus plus, I've also signed up to 'carol' next Wednesday night. With Ryan! :) Yet another thing to look forward to. In fact, I really can't wait! 

Yay! It's Sunday tomorrow. :) I'll be helping out with the Hunger Games competition tomorrow afternoon and it is very much similar to Soul Hunting...which makes me rather nostalgic. Good times being a part of the Student Council. The Secret Guardian game was also a memorable one, I think. Here's to reminiscing about the past. The good memories. 

I'm anticipating yet another productive day tomorrow. My last Sunday in school before we break up for the winter break. I'll try to make the best out of the upcoming week... Before those lovely faces will be missed for one whole month... Let's not get there just yet. 

For now, sleep is in high demand.

Sweet dreams... 

christmas

It still hurts... Haha. But I'm in no position to say this now. It's just a few more months - till I can draw this line, this line of separation, from the haunting past. Till then, I'll be alright. As I'll ever be. :)

Saturday! The weekend has finally arrived. One more week to winter break. I'm so excited for Christmas. Everything just seems all the more magical to me. Though really I'll be spending it at home, just like any other normal day, which is no surprise. But there's no harm wishing, wishing for a magical Christmas this year, is there...? After all, I am rather skilled in that department - just dreaming. About the impossible.

Sweet dreams...

a beautiful white Christmas

"the heart wants what it wants" 

she's so beautiful...no? 

how it would feel like to be special to someone, to be the first person to appear in their mind when they open their eyes, and the last person before they fall into the arms of Morphous, to be the one they day dream about, the one they find themselves staring into space about, and lose focus in whatever they are doing for

how it would feel like to have them wait for you and have their footsteps fall in sync with yours, to have them know your supposedly "daily routine" that even you haven't a clue about, as well as those little weird habits of yours that you pick up unconsciously during your childhood, that have stayed with you until now - to have them realize your each and every flaw, accept them, and better yet, embrace them, to have someone understand that flaws are a part of what makes you you, and to love you they'll have to love your flaws too, because to them, you are beautiful just the way you are, if not even more beautiful with all those flawed flaws that you detest so, not to mention your imperfections, they will love each bit of them, after all, "love is the charm of imperfections", is it not

how it would feel like to cry, and to cry in the broad shoulders of the one, to have them pull you into a strong and assuring embrace, one that screams "I'm never letting you go", "I'll be right here", and to find yourself crying harder, because you know that you have found your comfort - your safe haven, and they are also the remedy for those tears, you don't know how and you won't know why, but with them near, gradually, oh so gradually, your tears start to subside, and they dwindle to nothing more than small, unaudible sobs, till then they will not leave you in adversity, till then they still stay 

how it would feel like for them to do most of the talking, because you are just relatively quiet, or that you just don't really feel like talking, despite your silence, they keep talking, babbling on about anything and everything, cracking you up in between every line, not a moment where you can catch your breath from all the uproarious laughter and even better, just looking at them, as they talk, as they laugh and think you have found the source to an eternal happiness 

how it would feel like to have someone who understands, who cares, who tries

how it would feel like to have someone who listens, who tolerates, who compromises

how it would feel like to have all that in one person

but not for me, no. 

we are only human 

make mistakes, have flaws, don't lose your individuality, for that's what makes you you, and that will be exactly why she has fallen victim to your charms in the first place, if this love is true, she'll love you for you, like you have for her -

PS. I'm a hopeless romantic! But these are thoughts that make me smile every now and then.

After all... I'm just a girl. And a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

Sweet dreams. *smiling* 

hey...hehe

So many things have happened these few days...so how should I start? 

Okay, let's kick off with all the tests I've had for the past week - it was exhausting, drilling Econs in my head and simultaneously cramming for Chemistry. Just like that, a week passed and whether or not I did well in both the subjects, I guess I did my best. I tried. 

Saturday, 9a.m. 

We started our 24 hour run. It was tiring, yes, I would be lying if I said it wasn't, because it really was. But not even for a second do I (or did I) regret ever signing up for this in the first place. Because really? I mean, when would I ever get to run at 3a.m again? Answer is never. Plus, I was running for donation "to stop human trafficking". It was all for a good cause. I would want to say that I didn't run much, that my presence did not make a difference but I wouldn't say this now, no - because every single one of us who ran made a difference. Together. I pray for happiness, for all of us, and this doesn't just stop at people whom I know, I hope my happiness is spread across this humungous universe. Strangers whom I will never get to know. Maybe somewhere, right now, you'll be reading this, or simply just looking at the stars, and I can make a difference in your life. I would be really happy if I did, that my presence actually means something in somebody's life. I'm not a waste of space or just a "hi-bye" girl who every now and then bumps into you along the corridor. 

I just realized I have completely strayed from my attempted journal of the 24 hour run! 

Sunday 9a.m 

I was glad it was over. Haha! I was drained. Could take it no longer. Kamilia's right, it's as though I had a jetlag! But I feel much better now, whilst the cough and flu seem to have intensified. Oh well. It was an amazing 24 hours. Really! 

The feeling of losing something is never a good anything. Especially something so costly and especially something that mommy bought... I'm always so careless in life. When will I ever grow up? Haha... Nothing can be done now but to wait for a miracle to happen. But sometimes even miracles take a little time - by which it would be long gone and forgotten. 

I guess that's life. People, things... They come and go. I'll eventually be forgotten... And I try really hard not to get to that horrific thought... The subject of permanence is never an ideal anything, because really, eventually, sadly, nothing ever stays. Or does it? At least in hindsight, I'm not convinced. But I'm seeing the best out of things, which is an improvement. *smiling* Besides... Life is too short to feel sad. Hehehe. I really want to be happy - a dream deemed not that impossible anymore. 

I guess that's all about me... For now! Oops. Tired of my life yet? Hehe.

Sweet dreams. 

drained

It's so hard to focus when you are so drained, I know you would think it's physically, but no it isn't - I'm mentally drained. And the fact that the input produced never meets the outcome... I'm tired of it, more like furious, at myself, upon seeing all the effort go down the drain, just like that. And I know, once again, I have failed. I'm so angry with myself... Haha. *reality slap across the face* Just did that for you, your welcome, whoever you may be.

At least I've got several things to look forward to starting from tomorrow. Hence am anticipating a productive weekend ahead... To indulge my mind in, I would say...healthier activities, like joining a "24 hour run" (don't worry, it isn't literal, not literally!). And not simply idle in a corner, engulfed by self-blame and hatred. Like how I always do. 

But I'm learning to look past it. Hence, I'm smiling now. *smiling* 

beautiful eyes

Things I learn in Mark Disney's classes:

If you had to live without one or the other, which would you choose to keep - sight or sound. To be blinded by darkness or to live a deaf person?

I would rather be deaf. Because I don't know how I would live in a world without color, a world of darkness. Just the thought that I am no longer able to look at the faces whom I love, it sends shiver down my spine. Though choosing to be deaf hinders my speaking abilities as well, it is fine by me. So long as I am granted to see, to see, the beauty of the world around me.

"When the waves are flooding the shore

And I can't find my way home anymore

That's when I, I, I look at you

When I look at you

You appear just like a dream to me"

- Miley Cyrus

count your blessings that you are granted eyes,

 to drink in the beauty of this world you live in,

for each day, I am counting mine, 

just like how I would count the stars in the dark sky,

and one day I shall find, the little infinity up above that belongs to me

"somewhere we'll find infinity" 

∞

- Against The Current

I wish for love and happiness for each and everyone in my life

Because without them, what else is there to live for?

You and I is where it starts

You and I can be a part
Feed a soul
Fill a heart

- Tori Kelly

layers

There are layers upon layers to an onion and it takes tears and force before finally all those layers are peeled away, leaving behind...an onion - naked, bare, exposed. There is so much more to it but very often it is overlooked, marked as insignificant to many wandering eyes. There are just so many times, on so many different occasions, that the onion finally feels like standing up for itself, to actually make a difference in life, to show others, no, to show itself, that "Hey, I can do this, for what is there to fear?" I tell you - everything. It is fearful of everything. Therefore, its oblivion to this world is all because of those layers upon layers upon layers upon...

...those layers are none other than my shyness. And I absolutely detest this.

“ 如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心

你会鼻酸，你会流泪

只要你能听到我 看到我的全心全意”

an escape from an escape

I've been meaning to write here for a really, really long time... I just never had the courage to do so. It's like I've been escaping from my only escape. Nothing much has changed, yet everything feels different, and is different now. I long for change, for new beginnings. For the start of something new in my life. Until then, I haven't got much to say.

"Love is the charm of imperfections" 

- Mark Disney 

(*PS. we are totally on first-name basis) 

Sweet dreams...