Have you ever kissed someone and felt them slipping away from you even as you did it? Have you imagined the day when their lips are not yours to kiss any more? Have you ever closed your eyes and tried desperately to hold on to that kiss, that moment in your mind and in your heart so you can remember it forever? Maybe the kiss wasn't with your partner but maybe your child, a friend, or a parent?

These days I find myself throwing my arms around my mum and squeezing her so tightly, drinking in her familiar citrusy scent, feeling her soft, aged skin against mine, and wondering if she is doing the same; thinking about a time in the not too distant future, when she won't be able to hold me. Maybe she can still conjure up my first kisses. Did she try and savour each of them, knowing that there might come a time when I might not be willing or - God forbid - able to give them any more? Did she love me so much that she was always scared of losing me? Did each kiss feel like I was one step closer to leaving her? Mum's always said that parenthood is one long kiss goodbye and, sometimes, I can't help feeling that's how I feel about life.

Every kiss, no matter how inconsequential - a quick kiss in greeting, a 'thank you' kiss or a 'see you soon' kiss is treated like it could be the last. It's like a permanent scar that I know will never heal.

The Missed You Kiss

"Did she love me so much that she was always scared of losing me?

Did each kiss feel like I was one step closer to leaving her?"