Just like creative people always say you only remember criticism not praise, I've discovered that in times of distress it's the bad things that stay with you longer than the good. Just like I could (will) never shake that bad first kiss between Ryan and I, now I can't shake the bad memories. It's so bloody frustrating. All I can think about are the arguments I started, the times I nagged him unnecessarily, or administered one of my stony silences when he'd done something to annoy me. They're all there, etched on my brain. I'm like a self-harming teenager: I know I should stop, but I don't want to. Each pain-inducing memory feels good, like I deserve all of this because really, I didn't ever deserve him.

"I'm like a self-harming teenager"

The Bittersweet Kiss