day five

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time...

day three

//

We're gonna just let go of everything

Holding back our dreams

And try

To make it come alive

C'mon let it shine so they can see

We were meant to be 

Somebody...

Somehow, Someday, Someway

Somebody

//

justifiable?

Have you ever had that moment in your life when you were not particularly tired, but just felt like giving up anyway? You knew if you held on for a bit longer, you could actually make it but the sound in your head just told you to simply give up and get it over with? 

I went rock climbing yesterday (an interest I picked up recently and have developed a love for), and I was on my last wall before calling it a day. I was not at all tired, actually, and I wasn't planning on stopping there either, though truth be told, that particular wall was not particularly easy as well. Halfway through it, as I was contemplating where to place my legs and hands, my friend's brother called out his encouragement, "Don't give up!". I laughed in acknowledgement. 

"Kar Mun never gives up!" - that's when my friend's words hit me, hard. I know, it was just a mere few words, slipped out of her mouth like no other, vanished into thin air like they didn't matter. But they did, and they left their mark somewhere on my heart. Those words tugged at my heartstrings. I reached to the top of the wall. 

I don't know why those words appeared in my head out of the blue and I just felt obliged to write it down here, sharing a little something with you before it is time to go back to school, again. It should mean something, right? I wonder what it means.

Maybe it's a sign that to justify those words of hers, I mustn't give up. 

I wonder if her justification will win. 

But thank you, for believing in what I don't believe in -

Till then, x

Song suggestion of the day,

"Don't Stop Believing"

back to when an episode or two of Glee was mandatory for a good night's sleep, 

back to four years ago...

hold on tight

one day, I will be the girl in the picture,

strolling down the beach at sunset,

as though nothing matters more than the then and there,

and just what can matter more when I have achieved what I want?

hold on tight... 

because, one day

one day, I'll get there

till then,

hold on tight.

I'm coming for you

V

14th of February 

It's the day for roses, the day for presents, the day for confessions, the day when girls say "Yes!" to "Will You Be My Valentine?" It is the clichéd day for burning and passionate romance.

But then, everyday can be Valentine's day. One's love can be manifested through the smallest things everyday, be that just holding the door for her or offering to carry the island of books in her hands. You don't have to wait once a year just to show your love to someone. Show them bits of your heart everyday. Don't tell them, show them. Show them that you care, that you'll be right there, and open their eyes to the wonders of this world, to the love beating in your heart... Show them that they're beautiful - make them feel beautiful. Make them feel loved.

Should this day only be for lovers, then I would remain the outcast. But it isn't. It never was confined to a "lovers' only" rule. Because guess what? I've got myself a Valentine's date. And she is so beautiful that it hurts to think that her beauty can never be achieved. The thought of seeing her face in a few hours shines a light on me - I'm not alone.

Dear Whoever, 

You don't need a lover (but if you do, *pat on the back for you*, I hope he/she makes you feel loved every single day!!!). But if you don't, hey... Open your eyes just a little more and you'll see: There is so much more to this life that you're missing...

...and it doesn't take just Valentine's Day to fill your lonely heart. 

However, dear Whoever, enjoy this day. Because you'll have to wait for 365 more days till the next one. Maybe then, you'll have a Valentine. And that time, it won't be Mommy or Daddy anymore. *wink wink* 

Until then,

I wish you happiness and love,

And thank you for reading this far, 

Whoever you are, wherever you are

Happy Valentine's Day, x

either way

Now that I've got quota in my phone... At times likes this is when I can use it best, when I lose sleep. Again. 

Just two days ago I was given two choices, but only one decision. Though I refrain from saying what the two choices are, just know that they nearly blew my head off upon knowing that they were on the same day. For the first time, I want the best of both worlds, so very badly. And for the first time, I can't tell just which is the path that God is directing me... Like what Sabrina said, this time it's all down to me now. Hence for the very, very first time, I guess, well I guess I thoroughly understand the meaning of "opportunity cost". And I guess Economics is right after all - in life, we are constantly faced with decision-makings. And the explanation in my textbook is this: we don't always get what we want, therefore a choice between two is made, which means giving up the next best alternative for the first one. When in actuality, the sad truth is really just this:  

There is no best of both worlds, you know? Hannah Montana was wrong... (though I really hope she isn't, if not my childhood would be ruined! Haha...) *hand-covering-face monkey emoji*

I hope You'll shine Your light on me soon. And give me some answers. 

Either way, I'm grateful. I really am. 

I'm grateful for all that I have now, you know? I'm becoming more and more positive each day - I'm surprised myself too. :)

hello!

Not having quota at all in your phone, in a boarding school, in a small remote town, in the middle of nowhere (well, kind of nowhere) means not being able to convey any spontaneous thoughts that pop into my mind into this blog, which is sad because that happens every now and then. And it is once in a blue moon where pink unicorns fly past that I resort to blogging with my laptop, as of this moment, for example. Seeing I've only got 11 more minutes till class, I'd better sign off soon. 

There's so much that I want to write about, that time does not permit... Time, time. Why are you ticking by so fast? What are you rushing for? 

why?

Why would you choose to aim high, expect low?

Why aim "high"?

To set a target! A high target that as you look up, figuratively, you feel that you are such a far cry from it that it...pushes you, you know. It pushes you to strive for that one target you have set your eyes on, it gives you motivation, it drives you to do better. For that's your aim, that's the aim that you have set for yourself in the first place, therefore you must make sure that you'll do whatever it takes to hold on to that one promise you've made for yourself. It ain't easy, surely, it ain't going to be easy. But if you think about it, really take a moment to think about it - what is? C'est la vie, non?

Why expect "low", then?

To save yourself from all kinds of unpredicted outcomes. Someone once told me that 生活是个未知数, that it will not be a mere smooth journey, surely you'll have to brace yourself for bumps and turns that will catch you off-guard, that will put you off of your comfort zone, before finally dropping you off at your dream destination. With a low expectation, when the outcome is unpleasant, saddening, disappointing... You'll be prepared for it, because a part of you have always seen it coming, it's when it's coming that keeps you in suspense. Therefore, even as you fall, it wouldn't hurt as much. I would not choose to see this action as a sign of weakness, nor an act of over-protectiveness, but one of wisdom and prudence, as well as the ability to admit your flaws and allow an even bigger room for maturity - without feeling discouraged, deflated, demotivated. So keep it low, keep it slow. You'll get there. One day.

So why?

This is why.

Till then, x.

They say, when you give a hug you get a hug. Mommy once said, to hug and to be hugged are essential for humans, for us. But being so passive, so fearful, I don't get them often. Though it is often that I long for one, at times of despair, at times of hopelessness - but I don't say it. 

I wonder, though, I always wonder. How about you? At times like these, who would you think of then? Who would you want to receive this act of love from? 

拥抱和被拥抱是一种爱的能量，

是快乐的钥匙，

是生活的武器

Gotta Go My Own Way

//

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find our place in this world someday
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time

Another color turns to grey
And it's just too hard to watch it all
Slowly fade away -

//

I miss the feeling I would get after watching High School Musical, that feeling of ecstasy, of infinite happiness. I miss turning a "deaf ear" to those repetitive reprimands for neglecting my homework, for plates of untouched dinner - for this movie. But above all, do you know what I miss most? 

I miss getting the feeling of hope, of love... I miss being young.

Though they are just dreams, long gone once you open your eyes, but if you keep getting them night after night after night - it has to explain something. Bad dreams, nightmares that haunt you, stealing away yet another good night's sleep, that make their grand entrée into your head, and then sneakily escaping, leaving you with dilated eyes, perspiring forehead and a pounding heart. Those bad dreams...a reflection of life, maybe? That I'm constantly making the people around me unhappy, that I just never am able to make them...stay. Maybe this explains these bad dreams. I wonder if you get this too, whoever you may be, wherever you are now, whatever you have been through, whenever you read this - at least this way, I won't feel so alone...

But what happened to sweet dreams?