lies

All it takes is a little persuasion for yourself. Soon you'll get used to change and will accept the ways things are - that some things are meant to be, and some things that are just not meant to be, that sometimes true bravery requires you to take a few steps back so as to make way for the happiness of others. They may never know just what you have done for them in the past, and are still constantly doing, and they may never will. You wished they did, though. 

I've grown accustomed to how things are now. And I like it at times when I am alone. Because there are times when I just don't want to talk, and the thought of being invisible to others is rather appealing.

I'm not lonely, I'm just alone sometimes -  and I guess this is bravery. Because if distance is the key to everybody's happiness, I don't mind pulling out. I really don't. In fact, I'm used to it now. This new change... I actually like it. 

A lie I tell myself each day.

rainy morning

"The raindrops are pelting hard against my window panes. Admist the white sheets stood a figure, blurred by the heavy downpour. The only thing distinguishable was the polka-dotted umbrella protruding from the rain. It's a he. My hunch tells me so. And I guess... I guess he's waiting for me."  

Rainy morning, dark sky, dim lightings, cozy bed...

Just who is up for school? 

I know I'm not.

my kind of day

Here goes nothing :

1. I miss playing netball. So, so much. And playing netball with boys gives a touch of a different feel altogether. Which is great! At least I found my head-to-toe coordination quite in sync. I had great fun. I hope the rest did too. And I hope we would do the same thing again after our mid-term break. *fingers-crossed*

2. I had a cozy few hours out with mommy - I needed a getaway from my emotions, and seeing her soothing face made amends for my rough week. Thank you, mommy.

3. It was my first time ever collecting my marathon race pack (it was my first time even taking part in a marathon and gosh were there many people waiting in line. I don't know about them, but I think the cute standard chartered t-shirt and the green string bag that came with it are the major factors to my excitement towards my race tomorrow morning!). I can't wait to put my shirt on! *hand-covering monkey emoji* 

4. By morning, I was insinuating a 6.30a.m race. Thus resulting in a 4.30a.m taxi from this piece of isolated land to civilization. Thus means a 3.50a.m alarm clock. What a way to kick start my Sunday, eh? I really hope I can finish my race without giving up. I hope I can. I know we can! No sarcasm intended... At all. *smiling*

5. I thought I'd lost my watch during my outing, which has been clinging onto me for...this would be the 5th year! I actually got really sad as it's one of the few things (besides my school bag and my pencil case and my wallet) that has a sentimental value. Mommy drove all the way back to the restaurant to find it but it was to no avail. Who knew I had it with me all along! Well, I didn't know that! Until I decided to rotate my head to the left and landed my eyes on the second top shelf of my rack. *mental slap across the face* Totally felt that. I'm sorry, mommy.

6. Tonight marks the most exciting Saturday Night Event yet (for this term). It also reminds me of how I am such a far cry from all of them. It's quite depressing. But I guess we are all smart and unique in different ways, am I right? I sure hope I am. 

I'd better sleep now. Here's to a short 4++ hours of sleep for me. I look forward to a productive day tomorrow. Sweet dreams.

"pain changes people" 

- twitter

it's all the same thing

Overawed by the scene before her, Frankie was incapable of taking it all in. Standing on the deck, the inky valley receded, giving war to a carpet of flickering golden fairy lights that was downtown LA. For the first time in days, her mind completely cleared as she looked across to the horizon. The City of Angels in all its magical, inviting, anything-can-happen-out-there glory. It blew her away.

- page 58

America... ♡

Good morning! Here's to a (hopefully) happy day (fingers-crossed) thus here's a happy song to kick your mood up a notch - it's such a cute song really. 

" All the broken hearts in the world still beat
Let's not make it harder than it has to be
Ohh, it's all the same thing
Girls chase boys chase girls "

Girls Chase Boys, Ingrid Michaelson

sleepless

Here's to yet another sleepless night

I'm losing sleep again

Until then

Sweet dreams

每段路 总有分开时候

笑容不能向寂寞示弱

下个路口 该往哪走

松开手 余温会渗进胸口

每颗心 在城市漂流

用青春换懵懂和心痛

哪个终点 值得降落

别回头 眼泪就交给我

希望你快乐 把梦实现

希望你勇敢 找出自己的答案

如果这世界 变得太坏

我会为你而来

第三个心愿 别怕孤单

一定会拥有 珍惜你的那份爱

我早有预感 你有幸福的未来

梦会实现

希望你快乐 眼神灿烂

希望你勇敢 对凡事抱持期待

别怕这世界 对你嘲笑

别被失望打败

第三个心愿 别怕孤单

一定会拥有珍惜你的那份爱

我早有预感 你走在幸福的未来

希望你快乐 把梦实现

勇敢地找出自己的答案

我早有预感 你走在幸福的未来

“ 一定会拥有 珍惜我的那份爱 ”

♡

to stay or not to stay

I know staying is the best for me. But I don't even know if I should anymore. It just doesn't seem right. It's two years. Two whole years of my life. What if I'm not strong enough to bear the weight of all the pressure that comes with staying? What if I won't feel happy staying after all? What subjects do I want to take? What do I want to do? What do I even want...? 

I don't even know anymore. Guess I'm back to square one again: I know staying is the best for me. 

After all, there really is nowhere for me to go.

Just a few days ago I felt as though I couldn't have asked for anything more, that almost everything, if not everything, in my life was going really well ever since school started. I was happy, I felt really happy. Everyday would be consumed with so many activities that there simply wasn't room for this voice in my head. You know, I actually felt cared for, I felt loved, because for once I felt important in someone's life, that I was meant more and not the other way round. I felt lucky... I felt happy. But I don't understand why nothing ever lasts for me. Everything in my life seems temporary. Just when I am getting accustomed to change, everything changes again. Time after time I would think that I've finally gotten something and it is only in a matter of weeks, or just days, before it is taken away from me again. I used to see the world through rose-colored spectacles, and I find that I still do, but this childish act of mine - it has to stop and I'm getting tired of it, I'm losing hope. If this is a challenge the Lord has set for me, I don't want it, please. Please just make it stop. I'm tired of taking a few steps back as a form of letting go, I'm more tired of building up walls and not being able to tell the other the reason for my doing so, I'm most tired of seeing them fade away from my life because of the silence I provide. I thought I had everything, and that was just a few days ago. I was a fool to think it would last me for the remaining years of my time in this school, a fool to believe that for once in my life everything would actually be okay. I guess I was wrong, again. I feel like I've just lost everything that's ever meant anything in my life. And I'm now left with nothing. I've never felt lonelier in my life. I am so sad. 

I wonder how long more I'll last.

“ 我想要变成回忆

退出了这场生命 ”

wanted

//

You know I'd fall apart without you

I don't know how you do what you do

'Cause everything that don't make sense about me

Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everything that's green, girl, I need you

But it's more than one and one makes two

Put aside the math and the logic of it

You gotta know you're wanted too

'Cause I wanna wrap you up

Wanna kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold your hand forever

And never let you forget it

Yeah, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

Anyone can tell you you're pretty, yeah

And you get that all the time, I know you do

But your beauty's deeper than the make-up

And I wanna show you what I see tonight...

When I wrap you up

When I kiss your lips.

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold your hand forever

And never let you forget it

'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted

As good as you make me feel

I wanna make you feel better

Better than your fairy tales

Better than your best dreams

You're more than everything I need

You're all I ever wanted

All I ever wanted

And I just wanna wrap you up

Wanna kiss your lips

I wanna make you feel wanted

And I wanna call you mine

Wanna hold your hand forever

And never let you forget it

Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted

Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted

You'll always be wanted

//

Hunter Hayes is quite sweet, I guess.

This is rather hopeless... It's midnight already. 

I'd better try to sleep. 

Sweet dreams. 

It's hurting again. This time more painful than the last. And falling asleep seems like the most impossible thing to do now. Guess it's going to be a long night for me... Sweet dreams. 

Do you often find yourself looking back just to see if someone is coming for you? If someone remembers you in the midst of all the things going on, that they will just drop everything then and there and go to you to make sure you are okay? They don't have to do anything, nor say anything, just dropping by to 'make sure you're okay even when you are not' is enough solace for your empty heart. At least that way you feel that, you know that at least someone cares... That someone actually cares about your presence in this world, that your existence actually means something to them. And that's all I ever want. To be slightly important to someone, just slightly will do. To know that they are slightly happier upon seeing me, every so slightly. To see their wandering eyes as they scan for my presence in a crowded room, and when they do find me, they will heave a sigh of relief and perhaps smile at me - because I am there... And I am okay. Even when I know fully well that I am not. 

I'm just very disappointed...

//

What are words

If you really don't mean them
When you say them

What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they're done

//