Why is my body shaking
I should be doing my prep now really
Therefore why am I shaking
Why is this happening to me again
Please don't let this happen to me
Please
Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Secret Guardian
There turned out to be quite a huge crowd at the foyer of the mph and to be honest I was shocked, well in a good way that is! Because getting at least 1/3 of the 200++ people who joined the game was the last thing that I thought would happen. And for that, I am ever so grateful. Just the sight of them there, of their delighted faces, have sent me on cloud nine. And the fact that some actually requested for The Secret Guardian to be held every month blew me away. Nearly. Literally. Definitely.
My prayers were answered and I am eternally thankful. It's midnight now and I've got yet another busy day ahead of me in a few hours' time. It's time I gave in to the arms of Morphous.
My prayers were answered and I am eternally thankful. It's midnight now and I've got yet another busy day ahead of me in a few hours' time. It's time I gave in to the arms of Morphous.
And I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say I love you when you're not listening
How long can I keep this up
Up up up
-Distance, Christina Perri
Beautiful song that I came across this morning. Was in love with it sometime last year and am all over it once again.
Sad song, no doubt. Good bedtime track, oh yeah.
Sweet dreams. :)
Saturday, March 29, 2014
little things
Hello there.
It is weird how waking up at 5 in the morning is such a difficult task now, when it was merely 5 pieces of cake 5 days ago or thereabouts. The weirder thing is that not only is it hard in the morning, surviving through the day itself is by all means more unbearable. I was never one for naps but just two days ago I found myself burying my head on the table and, just like that, dozed off - to a world free from Chinese characters scribbled across the whiteboard, for how long I do not know, but what I do know is that when my eyes finally opened, it was down to the last 10 minutes of class. Which was good. I guess. Now that was just one nap mentioned, the other one was after school. I was in good faith of spending the rest of my afternoon in the library cramming 4 chapter summaries of Fasting, Feasting that were assigned as prep during the absence of my teacher in literature class few days ago, and during which I did completely nothing hence the proposed trip to the library. Well I was in good faith of finishing at least 3 chapters, if not all, but the moment I settled down on my chair was the moment my exhaustion had settled down on my shoulders as well. So after an hour, more or less, for the very first time I left the library with one aim: I needed to sleep. The walk back to Irinah was the most challenging. I was so tired that I felt dizzy. I don't get this "tired" feeling a lot, so it scares me to feel this way. Dizzy... I've been getting this feeling again. Why...why did you have to come back?
On a brighter note, it is already the last day of the Secret Guardian game and tonight will be the revealing of their identities to their guardianettes - a person who is under the care of a Secret Guardian, Ryan came up with this term, thank you. Throughout this week, I see people rummaging through school bags, scribbling down notes, blowing their minds up guessing just who their Secret Guardians may be - all so wound up about this game. But there are also people who did not receive a single note from their Secret Guardians since day 1, and if they did, it was far from "words of positivity" - it pains me to see them so disappointed, it pains me more when I find out just who their Secret Guardians are.
I want them to have fun; I want them to appreciate the little things in life, because this is something that I am in process of learning, everyday, every hour, every minute. I hope this game had indeed put smiles on most of their faces. I would be really happy if it did, because I know it had put a smile on mine.
- Little Things, One Direction
It is weird how waking up at 5 in the morning is such a difficult task now, when it was merely 5 pieces of cake 5 days ago or thereabouts. The weirder thing is that not only is it hard in the morning, surviving through the day itself is by all means more unbearable. I was never one for naps but just two days ago I found myself burying my head on the table and, just like that, dozed off - to a world free from Chinese characters scribbled across the whiteboard, for how long I do not know, but what I do know is that when my eyes finally opened, it was down to the last 10 minutes of class. Which was good. I guess. Now that was just one nap mentioned, the other one was after school. I was in good faith of spending the rest of my afternoon in the library cramming 4 chapter summaries of Fasting, Feasting that were assigned as prep during the absence of my teacher in literature class few days ago, and during which I did completely nothing hence the proposed trip to the library. Well I was in good faith of finishing at least 3 chapters, if not all, but the moment I settled down on my chair was the moment my exhaustion had settled down on my shoulders as well. So after an hour, more or less, for the very first time I left the library with one aim: I needed to sleep. The walk back to Irinah was the most challenging. I was so tired that I felt dizzy. I don't get this "tired" feeling a lot, so it scares me to feel this way. Dizzy... I've been getting this feeling again. Why...why did you have to come back?
On a brighter note, it is already the last day of the Secret Guardian game and tonight will be the revealing of their identities to their guardianettes - a person who is under the care of a Secret Guardian, Ryan came up with this term, thank you. Throughout this week, I see people rummaging through school bags, scribbling down notes, blowing their minds up guessing just who their Secret Guardians may be - all so wound up about this game. But there are also people who did not receive a single note from their Secret Guardians since day 1, and if they did, it was far from "words of positivity" - it pains me to see them so disappointed, it pains me more when I find out just who their Secret Guardians are.
I want them to have fun; I want them to appreciate the little things in life, because this is something that I am in process of learning, everyday, every hour, every minute. I hope this game had indeed put smiles on most of their faces. I would be really happy if it did, because I know it had put a smile on mine.
"It's the little things in life that count"
But the thought of tonight grips my heart so tightly, what if nobody shows up?
Guess there's nothing much that I can do about it now but immerse myself in cold water and start off yet another day. But I'll pray. With a smile on my face and light in my heart, I'll pray.
And I've just let these little things slip out of mouth
- Little Things, One Direction
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
live like it's your last
It's been days since I last woke up feeling rejuvenated and actually looking forward to the day ahead. I don't know why it's been the total opposite these few days because instead of working my tail off for my econs test, I found myself on the brink of giving in to the heaviness of my eyelids, as they fluttered every other nanosecond - but fortunately I resisted and managed to cram as much information regarding 'money', 'spending' as well as 'borrowing' for my test this morning.
I promised myself a decent sleep tonight but it is evidently to no avail now given my writing in this blog because it's also been days since I last posted something new about my life. So I'd better make this quick and hit the sack!
Last exeat went by in a blink of an eye, no like literally, snap, it's over just like that. The reason for this is because I had a productive 3 days spent with the same company - the most warming company I could ever ask for. Nearly all meals, if not all meals, were eaten with them, Friday and Sunday nights were spent sitting talking to hearts' content with them, Saturday morning and Sunday evening were spent in the hall playing badminton with them, a quarter of Sunday afternoon was spent pillow-fighting with them... I was happy during all those times. I don't remember the last time that I laughed so much, and it didn't occur to me that I still had that in me to laugh so much again. At one point I laughed so hard that I was close to tears, don't get me wrong, the laughing felt good but a sudden pain overwhelmed me for a moment there, a momentary pang of pain that words can't explain, just like daggers in my heart. Don't ask me why I felt that, I'm still trying to figure out why myself too. Not only have they developed from acquaintanceship to friendship in my heart, I think they are starting to feel like family to me. Now everytime I see them, anyone of them, I feel a sense of security for I know that they, for one, will not leave me in adversity, but will have my back and cheer me on with their strong sense of humor, dry sarcasm, blur-ness, cool-ness - I mean, PUH-lease, what can possibly beat thoseee right? I just want 4 of you to know that I was happy last exeat, really happy. I hope I would feel just as happy everyday. Everyday.
Two days ago on the 24th was mommy's birthday. Owing to the fact that my mobility is restricted to the boundaries of the premises in ktj, so no I did not spend the day with her... But, but, there are always butssss in life because I got to see her for 3/4 of my afternoon when I went out on my exeat trip with almost the whole school to mid valley last Saturday, it amended for my absence on the day itself... Hopefully. Also, I was treated to some decent food at my all-time favorite Italian restaurant, followed by dessert in a so-happen-to-pass-by stall and some mother-daughter window-shopping kind of thing. *giggles* .. I did make her a collage of our pictures though and posted it on the app she uses 24/7. Daddy called just now to tell me that he found it sweet and very "classy" of me to have done that. A chip off the old block, papa! *wink wink*
The last quarter of my day in mid valley was when I was encircled by 4 "bodyguards", so to speak, as I made my way up and down the mall to buy pizza, sushi, strawberries and chocolates for Sabrina who decided against coming along with me. I was happy to have bumped into them, happier that they chose to tag along with me, happiest that for a moment there I felt their sincerity - and I hope this isn't just another theory of mine, but the truth, that for a moment there they were happy to have my presence too.
Basketball practice has started, to prepare us for our inter-house competition after Easter Break. So hello to busy afternoons once again. And a few days ago I sprained my left ankle when I was shooting, the ball in mid-air, in the midst of spinning and getting into the hoop, well...it was close! Again. Again on the same ankle and it was the 5th time already. I heard the cracking of my bones... *shudders* For a few seconds I couldn't stand straight and tears came but vanished. It still hurts a bit now but I'm okay. Worse things could have happened to me but they didn't - and for that I am thankful.
I am thankful for all that I have now. I really shouldn't be asking for more. I should be living every second of my life as though it's my last, because this way I will appreciate the things and people around me - seeing and not looking, speaking and not talking, caring and not bearing, loving and not liking. The reason to my sudden realization is due to some happenings unspoken of here. Because we don't know just what will happen to us the next day, next hour, next minute, next second... Or even now. If anything, I learnt something out of them and all those above can do my justice just fine.
Oops. It's 11.20p.m now. What happened to getting a decent sleep tonight?
*mental slap on the face* Ouch.
It's a sign, you know? (quoted from Barbie and The 12 Dancing Princesses)
I promised myself a decent sleep tonight but it is evidently to no avail now given my writing in this blog because it's also been days since I last posted something new about my life. So I'd better make this quick and hit the sack!
Last exeat went by in a blink of an eye, no like literally, snap, it's over just like that. The reason for this is because I had a productive 3 days spent with the same company - the most warming company I could ever ask for. Nearly all meals, if not all meals, were eaten with them, Friday and Sunday nights were spent sitting talking to hearts' content with them, Saturday morning and Sunday evening were spent in the hall playing badminton with them, a quarter of Sunday afternoon was spent pillow-fighting with them... I was happy during all those times. I don't remember the last time that I laughed so much, and it didn't occur to me that I still had that in me to laugh so much again. At one point I laughed so hard that I was close to tears, don't get me wrong, the laughing felt good but a sudden pain overwhelmed me for a moment there, a momentary pang of pain that words can't explain, just like daggers in my heart. Don't ask me why I felt that, I'm still trying to figure out why myself too. Not only have they developed from acquaintanceship to friendship in my heart, I think they are starting to feel like family to me. Now everytime I see them, anyone of them, I feel a sense of security for I know that they, for one, will not leave me in adversity, but will have my back and cheer me on with their strong sense of humor, dry sarcasm, blur-ness, cool-ness - I mean, PUH-lease, what can possibly beat thoseee right? I just want 4 of you to know that I was happy last exeat, really happy. I hope I would feel just as happy everyday. Everyday.
Two days ago on the 24th was mommy's birthday. Owing to the fact that my mobility is restricted to the boundaries of the premises in ktj, so no I did not spend the day with her... But, but, there are always butssss in life because I got to see her for 3/4 of my afternoon when I went out on my exeat trip with almost the whole school to mid valley last Saturday, it amended for my absence on the day itself... Hopefully. Also, I was treated to some decent food at my all-time favorite Italian restaurant, followed by dessert in a so-happen-to-pass-by stall and some mother-daughter window-shopping kind of thing. *giggles* .. I did make her a collage of our pictures though and posted it on the app she uses 24/7. Daddy called just now to tell me that he found it sweet and very "classy" of me to have done that. A chip off the old block, papa! *wink wink*
The last quarter of my day in mid valley was when I was encircled by 4 "bodyguards", so to speak, as I made my way up and down the mall to buy pizza, sushi, strawberries and chocolates for Sabrina who decided against coming along with me. I was happy to have bumped into them, happier that they chose to tag along with me, happiest that for a moment there I felt their sincerity - and I hope this isn't just another theory of mine, but the truth, that for a moment there they were happy to have my presence too.
Basketball practice has started, to prepare us for our inter-house competition after Easter Break. So hello to busy afternoons once again. And a few days ago I sprained my left ankle when I was shooting, the ball in mid-air, in the midst of spinning and getting into the hoop, well...it was close! Again. Again on the same ankle and it was the 5th time already. I heard the cracking of my bones... *shudders* For a few seconds I couldn't stand straight and tears came but vanished. It still hurts a bit now but I'm okay. Worse things could have happened to me but they didn't - and for that I am thankful.
I am thankful for all that I have now. I really shouldn't be asking for more. I should be living every second of my life as though it's my last, because this way I will appreciate the things and people around me - seeing and not looking, speaking and not talking, caring and not bearing, loving and not liking. The reason to my sudden realization is due to some happenings unspoken of here. Because we don't know just what will happen to us the next day, next hour, next minute, next second... Or even now. If anything, I learnt something out of them and all those above can do my justice just fine.
Oops. It's 11.20p.m now. What happened to getting a decent sleep tonight?
*mental slap on the face* Ouch.
It's a sign, you know? (quoted from Barbie and The 12 Dancing Princesses)
我们要保持微笑
给孤单的人
一种心情的拥抱
- 保持微笑，S.H.E
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Again
Just like that, the biggest inter-house competition that everyone was so looking forward to has passed in a jiffy - well at least three-quarters of it, the last being the relay events which would be postponed to this Thursday due to the heavy downpour yesterday afternoon. I personally think athletics is the event in every school because it is only then that each and every individual gets to showcase their talent or talentssss that you just don't get to see on a daily basis. And yesterday, again, it was in plain words: Amazing. I saw people whom nobody knew were athletes drive themselves to the finish line and also people whom everyone had high expectations of emerge once again as champions, if not record-breakers! When I was living in the moment, the then and there, standing by the side and cheering for them - I felt so good, and this feeling simply just can't be expressed in words, you gotta feel it with your heart to truly know... But I'll try my best to convey my thoughts in black and white. Bear with me.
All those times before when I ran - when my spikes sunk deep into the grass, anchoring it to keep balance, my hands moved back and forth rhythmically, my hair swung towards the direction of the wind, my humungous Irinah shirt hung loosely against my not-as-big-as-the-shirt body - I knew I could always expect cheers from the crowd, at least from my best friend, and when that did happen, when I heard my name shouted out, from soprano to alto to even bass voices, it never failed to make me smile and quicken those already-exhausted legs. You have to know that cheering really helps. Even a shout of three words can do wonders in deciding the final position of a race, any race: Come on, Kar Mun! Without fail, it ignites a spark in my heart and in my head I tell myself "I have to do this. See? So many people believe in me, they know I can do this so show them that I really can". And to the finishing line I go! *giggles*
Therefore, yesterday, when I was jumping and shouting and running across the field, I had only one intention: To cheer for them. I cheered at the top of my lungs because at that moment nothing was more important than to not give up... All those times when I was the one running and being cheered for, little did I know then that it feels just as good, if not better, to be the one standing and cheering for other people, whether or not I knew them personally because I believe that strangers are friends just waiting to happen. *smiling*
如果我的鼓励对一些人有那么一点点不同，我会很开心的...
At my starting point, I expected nothing but to complete my race, hoping wishing praying that my body wouldn't choose to fail on me then, so getting 2nd was the last thing I thought would happen. And again, for the second time, I got 2nd in my 800m race, second to Analysia of course! *laughs* I see fire in that girl, she is growing up so fast and getting better each day (breaking three school records yesterday!) I have faith in her.
I just felt, and still feel, so very grateful.
And happy. Really happy. :)
But really tired too.
All those times before when I ran - when my spikes sunk deep into the grass, anchoring it to keep balance, my hands moved back and forth rhythmically, my hair swung towards the direction of the wind, my humungous Irinah shirt hung loosely against my not-as-big-as-the-shirt body - I knew I could always expect cheers from the crowd, at least from my best friend, and when that did happen, when I heard my name shouted out, from soprano to alto to even bass voices, it never failed to make me smile and quicken those already-exhausted legs. You have to know that cheering really helps. Even a shout of three words can do wonders in deciding the final position of a race, any race: Come on, Kar Mun! Without fail, it ignites a spark in my heart and in my head I tell myself "I have to do this. See? So many people believe in me, they know I can do this so show them that I really can". And to the finishing line I go! *giggles*
Therefore, yesterday, when I was jumping and shouting and running across the field, I had only one intention: To cheer for them. I cheered at the top of my lungs because at that moment nothing was more important than to not give up... All those times when I was the one running and being cheered for, little did I know then that it feels just as good, if not better, to be the one standing and cheering for other people, whether or not I knew them personally because I believe that strangers are friends just waiting to happen. *smiling*
如果我的鼓励对一些人有那么一点点不同，我会很开心的...
At my starting point, I expected nothing but to complete my race, hoping wishing praying that my body wouldn't choose to fail on me then, so getting 2nd was the last thing I thought would happen. And again, for the second time, I got 2nd in my 800m race, second to Analysia of course! *laughs* I see fire in that girl, she is growing up so fast and getting better each day (breaking three school records yesterday!) I have faith in her.
I just felt, and still feel, so very grateful.
And happy. Really happy. :)
But really tired too.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
5 in the morning
I really should be revising the conflicts between modern and traditional India in chapter 9 of "Fasting, Feasting" now but I have decided against it, hence my writing this just three hours prior to my Literature test.
Around me people are receiving amazing offers from the most prestigious universities all around the world. I see some jumping in ecstasy, a few with piercing shrieks and others merely waving their letter of admittance in the air - such pride, such happiness. And as I walked past them, I thought "When is it going to be my turn?"... They must have worked their tails off everyday, must have drunk cups after cups after cups of coffee to survive the midnights, must have given their all on the big day itself to be overwhelmed with such blessings in return.
It was hard work but they did it. Yet here I am at form 4, moaning about how stressful life now is when evidently what I'm going through now is nothing in comparison to theirs. Then why are there tears in my eyes when I'm doing Maths or frustrations in my head at the sight of my marked Chemistry test paper? I'm so angry.
And this anger is always, always directed at myself. I know I'm not smart so I work for it. But it kills me inside everytime to see that my effort of 110% was merely a sink-in-my-heart of 80%, if not 75%.
IGCSEs are not so far away and my maths exam is really just a good 61 days from now. I'm so unprepared. Is somebody out there who feels the same way? I hope there is, so I know I'm not alone.
I'll continue to work hard, I'll continue to do my best. I may let the whole world down, but no way am I risking the chance of seeing two disappointed faces in those four walls, when I'm their only hope;
I'll try my best, I'll give my 110%. But if, just if, at the end of the day the verdict is not the same as the outset - I'm sorry...
In the meantime, the least I can do now is to switch to Literature mood, so here I go being all Shakespeare for the rest of the morning - so sophisticated. *giggles*
I'm getting happier each day. :)
Around me people are receiving amazing offers from the most prestigious universities all around the world. I see some jumping in ecstasy, a few with piercing shrieks and others merely waving their letter of admittance in the air - such pride, such happiness. And as I walked past them, I thought "When is it going to be my turn?"... They must have worked their tails off everyday, must have drunk cups after cups after cups of coffee to survive the midnights, must have given their all on the big day itself to be overwhelmed with such blessings in return.
It was hard work but they did it. Yet here I am at form 4, moaning about how stressful life now is when evidently what I'm going through now is nothing in comparison to theirs. Then why are there tears in my eyes when I'm doing Maths or frustrations in my head at the sight of my marked Chemistry test paper? I'm so angry.
And this anger is always, always directed at myself. I know I'm not smart so I work for it. But it kills me inside everytime to see that my effort of 110% was merely a sink-in-my-heart of 80%, if not 75%.
IGCSEs are not so far away and my maths exam is really just a good 61 days from now. I'm so unprepared. Is somebody out there who feels the same way? I hope there is, so I know I'm not alone.
I'll continue to work hard, I'll continue to do my best. I may let the whole world down, but no way am I risking the chance of seeing two disappointed faces in those four walls, when I'm their only hope;
I'll try my best, I'll give my 110%. But if, just if, at the end of the day the verdict is not the same as the outset - I'm sorry...
In the meantime, the least I can do now is to switch to Literature mood, so here I go being all Shakespeare for the rest of the morning - so sophisticated. *giggles*
I'm getting happier each day. :)
"We live in cities, you'll never see on screen
Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things"
- Team, Lorde
Favorite song now.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
It's been long! 2.0
I promised to be back with more and more I shall be back with!
3. Classes went on as per usual yesterday, the same monotonous pace with the same indifferent faces that scream get me out of here. However, I think my classes are actually becoming less and less boring over time, if not more interesting - reason being for this theory is that I don't get the usual head-dropping dozes anymore, especially in Economics, or dare I say only in Economics! She's a wonderful teacher fraught with years of experience, no doubt, but sometimes (well most of the time!) she is just plain... Boring. But frankly, it is one of my favorite subjects. The irony. *giggles*
Being a Tuesday afternoon, I attended my 2-hour swimming session at 4 and literally, I could feel the blazing sun burning every fibre in my skin, inside out. The weather was scorching, unbearable, hence the reason why I kept swimming and swimming, knowing that I would have gone crazy had I stopped and started worrying about my already-weatherbeaten complexion... The inner-moaning-slash-screaming kicked in when I saw my reflection in the mirror afterwards, the contrast was not a very pleasant sight to see. But coach said I improved a lot since the day he saw me! Well that's something, eh? *pat on the back*
4. Practice makes perfect. But I've never ever high jumped my whole life and when I did officially jump last year, I got a humongous blue-black on my right thigh in exchange with my avid curiosity. A year later, I knew better than to take the risk again until last Friday when Sabrina encouraged me to just give it a try. I was okay but definitely no where near ready for inter-house! Yet my name is in Set B when I've only ever properly jumped less than 10 times. It's a great honor, surely but overwhelming nonetheless. And the thought of me as a "high-jumper" is downright hilarious. I just wish I wouldn't let the house down... Because I'm not jumping for myself, I'm jumping for Irinah.
5. The same thing applies to my track events. I'm currently in 800m and 4x400m, both of which require such immense stamina and energy - and both of which I lack now. Just last night Miss Angie cancelled my opening 1500m race for fear that my given condition might fail me on the day itself. And I thank her for caring, but I've still got 2 events to worry about and no way am I going to stop halfway again next Monday. I can't afford to let Irinah down, I can't afford to let myself down. It's a huge bet that I'm buying on myself here and I'm so full of fear now. Haha. I don't wanna get tired halfway and stop, I don't wanna stop... I'm not strong enough for this anymore. To think that I did so well last year and I can't this time, hurts inside. It hurts a lot, it really does.
3. Classes went on as per usual yesterday, the same monotonous pace with the same indifferent faces that scream get me out of here. However, I think my classes are actually becoming less and less boring over time, if not more interesting - reason being for this theory is that I don't get the usual head-dropping dozes anymore, especially in Economics, or dare I say only in Economics! She's a wonderful teacher fraught with years of experience, no doubt, but sometimes (well most of the time!) she is just plain... Boring. But frankly, it is one of my favorite subjects. The irony. *giggles*
Being a Tuesday afternoon, I attended my 2-hour swimming session at 4 and literally, I could feel the blazing sun burning every fibre in my skin, inside out. The weather was scorching, unbearable, hence the reason why I kept swimming and swimming, knowing that I would have gone crazy had I stopped and started worrying about my already-weatherbeaten complexion... The inner-moaning-slash-screaming kicked in when I saw my reflection in the mirror afterwards, the contrast was not a very pleasant sight to see. But coach said I improved a lot since the day he saw me! Well that's something, eh? *pat on the back*
4. Practice makes perfect. But I've never ever high jumped my whole life and when I did officially jump last year, I got a humongous blue-black on my right thigh in exchange with my avid curiosity. A year later, I knew better than to take the risk again until last Friday when Sabrina encouraged me to just give it a try. I was okay but definitely no where near ready for inter-house! Yet my name is in Set B when I've only ever properly jumped less than 10 times. It's a great honor, surely but overwhelming nonetheless. And the thought of me as a "high-jumper" is downright hilarious. I just wish I wouldn't let the house down... Because I'm not jumping for myself, I'm jumping for Irinah.
5. The same thing applies to my track events. I'm currently in 800m and 4x400m, both of which require such immense stamina and energy - and both of which I lack now. Just last night Miss Angie cancelled my opening 1500m race for fear that my given condition might fail me on the day itself. And I thank her for caring, but I've still got 2 events to worry about and no way am I going to stop halfway again next Monday. I can't afford to let Irinah down, I can't afford to let myself down. It's a huge bet that I'm buying on myself here and I'm so full of fear now. Haha. I don't wanna get tired halfway and stop, I don't wanna stop... I'm not strong enough for this anymore. To think that I did so well last year and I can't this time, hurts inside. It hurts a lot, it really does.
"I close my eyes and I can see a better day,
I close my eyes and pray..."
- Pray, Justin Bieber
- Pray, Justin Bieber
6. And now on to my music career. My piano exam is just around the corner (somewhere in June) and I am honestly unprepared for it. Another thing that I am worried about. Because I cannot bear to let my parents down in this one. What better way to prepare myself than to practice everyday? *mental slap in the face* Yeap, it's time practicing piano became a daily routine, like how it used to be everyday before life in KTJ.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
I'll see my silver lining soon.
Who said high school life was ever easy?
Hehehe, I know I can do it.
For now, I'll just smile. :)
Because...
For now, I'll just smile. :)
Because...
"Everything's gonna be alright"
-Be Alright, Justin Bieber
Funny how twice his songs were the first that I thought of. Well, these 2 songs are definitely worth listening to!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
It's been long!
I need a serious reality check here... Is it just me or are we already living in the 11th day of the 3rd month of the new year? It's unbelievable really that, just like that, three months have gone by in a blink because unfortunately I do not feel that I have yet accomplished anything amazing this 2014. However, it has been quite a long time, at least last month, since I posted anything at all in this blog that - I have written down, in black and white, in my semi-informal-diary, in my New Year Resolution list, second to cutting my hair and donating it (checked!) - I promised myself to update constantly.*mental slap in the head* Hence, I shall update it now.
1. I love language. My life revolves around the art of language, from the new phrase I came across in the epilogue of a novel to the lyrics that completed what to me is a perfectly perfect song. Language never ceases to amaze me like gravity to Newton. *giggles* Hence, it scared me when I had actually regretted taking E Lit as one of my 9 IGCSE subjects when it is the subject I am expecting highly of, English aside that is. I struggled a lot with E Lit at the start of form 4. But you need to understand that my class is loaded with remarkable people who bombard Miss Nadia with exceptional questions and answers, while I would always just slouch in the furthest side of the class, secretly hoping that silence could do me justice for two whole periods (1 hour 20 minutes)... But no. Being the cat that was killed by curiosity and miraculously revived again, Miss Nadia always just has to listen to everyone's opinion, mostly in pairs of which Sophie would answer on my behalf, but there are also these occasional times when she very unexpectedly directed a question at me with her indifferent expression to my absent-minded responses. C'mon, how was I to know then just "how did Desai show through the orange ritual the hierarchy Papa created"? But it's language, I love language! Hence, I've been putting in lots of effort this month and I could see my gradual improvement. I got relatively high grades (or rather, bands) for both my English as well as E Lit assessments, not to mention the never-ending prep that she feeds us. It puts a smile in my heart to know that all the 4a.m. days down in the study room and always being one of the last ones to leave the library were all worth it. Hence, I smiled even more when Miss Nadia told mommy that "she's improved so much and she's definitely one of the top students in class".
"But she's just so quiet!" Oops.
2. Our second last exeat to the end of term 2 just passed and for the first time in forever, I went home. I missed those four walls (remember the four walls?) at home, really I did. But I missed mommy and daddy more. To top this exeat off, my Sunday was well spent in Sunway Lagoon with the 4 best company. None of them started off as my friends, but friends of my best friend. So to be frank, our very first outing was not as fun to me because of just one wrong perspective... They are my friends too. I was no uninvited stranger, neither was I a fourth-wheeler; I was a friend, I was their friends (from the Escape Room to Skytrex to Sunway Lagoon). And the walls I built so high up were finally taken down that Sunday when I looked at them, their smiley faces and genuine laughs. I actually felt belonged. Though I still wonder just how it would be to have such moments with them, would it be as fun? I wonder.
But one thing about Sunday is for sure: I was myself and I was happy. (Okay, make that two things)
And as I was ready to hit the sack that night, this song came to me.
"Cos I had the best day with you today" - The Best Day, Taylor Swift
3. So many things to say, so little time. The 6.45 bell just rang and I'd better shower now. Fast. But there's more to come so I'll be back! That is if anyone reads this.
1. I love language. My life revolves around the art of language, from the new phrase I came across in the epilogue of a novel to the lyrics that completed what to me is a perfectly perfect song. Language never ceases to amaze me like gravity to Newton. *giggles* Hence, it scared me when I had actually regretted taking E Lit as one of my 9 IGCSE subjects when it is the subject I am expecting highly of, English aside that is. I struggled a lot with E Lit at the start of form 4. But you need to understand that my class is loaded with remarkable people who bombard Miss Nadia with exceptional questions and answers, while I would always just slouch in the furthest side of the class, secretly hoping that silence could do me justice for two whole periods (1 hour 20 minutes)... But no. Being the cat that was killed by curiosity and miraculously revived again, Miss Nadia always just has to listen to everyone's opinion, mostly in pairs of which Sophie would answer on my behalf, but there are also these occasional times when she very unexpectedly directed a question at me with her indifferent expression to my absent-minded responses. C'mon, how was I to know then just "how did Desai show through the orange ritual the hierarchy Papa created"? But it's language, I love language! Hence, I've been putting in lots of effort this month and I could see my gradual improvement. I got relatively high grades (or rather, bands) for both my English as well as E Lit assessments, not to mention the never-ending prep that she feeds us. It puts a smile in my heart to know that all the 4a.m. days down in the study room and always being one of the last ones to leave the library were all worth it. Hence, I smiled even more when Miss Nadia told mommy that "she's improved so much and she's definitely one of the top students in class".
"But she's just so quiet!" Oops.
2. Our second last exeat to the end of term 2 just passed and for the first time in forever, I went home. I missed those four walls (remember the four walls?) at home, really I did. But I missed mommy and daddy more. To top this exeat off, my Sunday was well spent in Sunway Lagoon with the 4 best company. None of them started off as my friends, but friends of my best friend. So to be frank, our very first outing was not as fun to me because of just one wrong perspective... They are my friends too. I was no uninvited stranger, neither was I a fourth-wheeler; I was a friend, I was their friends (from the Escape Room to Skytrex to Sunway Lagoon). And the walls I built so high up were finally taken down that Sunday when I looked at them, their smiley faces and genuine laughs. I actually felt belonged. Though I still wonder just how it would be to have such moments with them, would it be as fun? I wonder.
But one thing about Sunday is for sure: I was myself and I was happy. (Okay, make that two things)
And as I was ready to hit the sack that night, this song came to me.
"Cos I had the best day with you today" - The Best Day, Taylor Swift
3. So many things to say, so little time. The 6.45 bell just rang and I'd better shower now. Fast. But there's more to come so I'll be back! That is if anyone reads this.
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